Family Of Blood And Steel

I served two tours of duty in Iraq. A college professor of mine encouraged me to use my writing as an outlet for some of my experiences. I wrote this poem for an assignment, but would love to get some feedback on here. Please tell me what you think. It is in the form of a Shakesperean Sonnet and is not the type of poem that rhymes all the way through.

"Family of Blood and Steel"

Crouched beneath a shattered wall
Rifle held fast against my chest
Would I be the next to fall
Or would someone else be given rest

Giving no heed to death, I continue to fight
Muzzle flashing, bullets flying, earth shaking
My will bolstered by the men on my left and right
It is for them that I would never break

Freedom, liberty, beloved concepts all
But in the heat of battle it is your comrades that carry you on
Standing together, proud and tall
Brothers who I can always depend upon

We move forward as a group
Forever watching the next man’s back
A single unit melded out of a diverse troop
With faith in the others, we beat off the attack

Battle won, rest earned, sit down for a hot meal
A family forged out of blood and steel
ohslick ohslick
26-30, M
3 Responses May 17, 2012

A very moving poem

You should do more; this is good; I would love to see you do this totally free style, <br />
mind you conforming to a Shakespearian format does make it interesting,( suppose its the idea that something as inherently disorganised and unstructured as war could be tidied and structured), <br />
it reminds my of dispatches or the 1st hand accounts of Vietnam. but more relevant. love to see you explore this more.

thank you for the feedback. i messed around with a few other forms on this poem, but my professor told me this was her favorite. She still shows it to her classes every semester.

thats cool

Amazing :D

thank you!

You're very welcome! Good job! :D