Inside Of Me

Deep Inside My Mind,
There Lies Something Dark.
It Takes Ahold Of Me,
Tears Me Apart.
I Feel So Anxious, I Feel So Depressed,
My Mind Is Such A Terrible Mess.
Then I Know What Must Be Done,
Time To Have A Little Fun.
Open Me Up, Little Buddy,
Make My Skin Nice And Bloody.
Tear Me Open, Feels So Right,
Make Me Sleep Well Tonight.
As I Watch The Blood Escape,
Sometimes I Wish To Exsanguinate.
But Here I Am, I Still Exist,
Maybe Next Time I Will Slit My Wrist.
ManiacalTom ManiacalTom
31-35, M
16 Responses Nov 8, 2012

This is what I joined EP to see. Some real life, in your face poetry.

Thanks. These poems I posted were from 2012. it was a dark time for me.

my wonders.

sounds like me

My fiance changed my life. :-)

so its posible?

“We all know that a winter scene, though it may be covered over one day, with even the trees dressed in shawls of snow, will be unrecognizable the following spring. Yet I never imagined such a thing could occur within our very selves.”
― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Please don't talk this way!

That was 2 years ago when I was really depressed. I almost killed myself a couple times. Had to go to ER once and got 30 staples. But then a friend helped me. I was still in the closet at that time. I had been single for 13 years because I was in the closet. But everything changed after I came out. I am now engaged, and I haven't cut in almost 2 years. :-)

Awesome :) I'm happy for you. I haven't used a knife or scissors in a while. Nail digging has happened a few times tho, urrrgh, acceptance needed :). Peace

"I feel so anxious I feel so depressed my mind is such a terrible mess" it's repeating in my head right now, I can relate to this piece. It's such a strangely happy twisted release to pain and the fun play on words and rhyme scheme of this piece really echoes the voice of that insanity. I'm really enjoying your poetry.

Thank you very much. It is weird, but when I am super emotional it just comes out. :-)

Wickedly beautiful ;-)

:-) Thanks

Actually, THANK YOU for writing! I hope you have more to share, cant wait to read more ;-)

I have a few more that I have written. I think I posted them. If you want to read them, you can look in my profile in the stories, or in my blog because I posted them there to. I am glad you like it. :-)

Very romantic.

Your a romantic young man having fallen in Love with something that is .killing you,.. STOP!YOU ARE A WRITER! LIVE TO WRITE, PUT THE PASSION BEHIND YOUR WORDS! I hope you hear me, I care because I care.

Thanks. I will try to write more then. I put the passion behind my words in these poems that I wrote. I do hear you. Thank you. :-)

So you wrote this?? (If so... you have a powerful gift for writing. You need healing of your mind, then watch out world! I'm praying for you.)

Yes, I wrote this. I have always loved to write. :-)

I wrote all the poems in my story section. They are also posted in my blog.

It's ironic when sometimes feeling something like physical pain can make one feel better because it is better to feel something rather than nothing.

I'm sorry dude. I had the same issue, I was only 19. Both had to be removed. Sorry it happened.

I think this is well written. You convey so well the seduction of the blade, even though you know the next time may be your last. It is a rush, an escape, a high and someone who's never done it, often fails to realize the depth and intensity of feeling.

Thank you very much. My poetry may be simple, but it always holds all of my emotions when written.

This is very lovely

Thank you. I am a dark sort of person, but I love my poems. Even if no one else likes them. They speak so clearly of my ways.

oh, it would not be a one night stand. i am not into them either, ven if i want to be. iam ver scared of having sex with guys i just met, it takes me time to know the person. then when i am in love. i will be totally commited for as long as he is to me, which i wish was forever, but i have been hurt so much. would do what ever made you happy and prvented you from cutting for as long as it takes day after day, year after year if neccessary. some days maybe just talk, other days we respect each others privacy, other days, fun, i always ALWAYS make it my number 1 duty, to make sure my partner or friend is firt and foremost more important then me. listening for hours and hours on the phone, and sharing and talking about anything. My purpose in life is I come second, and my friends coem first, honor, integrity and a clear mind is what i desire for my friends among other positive attributes. I would take a bullet and die for my friends. that is my purpose here on Earth.

I didn't mean it to sound like, just a one night stand. I just meant pretty much what you said. I like there to be feelings and emotions. What you said sounds awesome. You sound like an awesome person. I sometimes wonder if the cutting started because I am so lonely. I have lived alone for 4 years now. I haven't dated in 13 years(I can't remember if I told you this). I am also a great listener. But yeah, you sound awesome.

Oh Tom, I love your poems, you write so well. They are the way I fell a lot, but I hope, and wish I could get together in person, if you ever wanted to bleed yourself out, and instead make precious love to you for hours and hours so you and I could forget all this misery ,

Thank you for liking my poems. I love to write. I do always think of bleeding out, but I am trying to get help. Maybe I will be one of the ones who doesn't do it. I am not a one night stand kind of person, I am only with those who I trust. But that does sound so much sweeter than bleeding out. I wish I could forget all this misery too.

Thanks Tom :-) I knew what you meant. Never worry about saying something wrong to me. it is kewl, with the problems we have, sometimes we just lose our minds, but even for the moment. What I find so amazing about you is we seem connected in a lot of ways, through how we feel, what we write, and our experiences. yeah the cutting is from frustration, i mean mega frustration. I know I was in psych hospital for 2 weeks for attempted suicide, and thats what the doctors said. Ive been alone for about 4 years too, and havent had a real steady dating relationship since i was a teenager. i use to cry almost every night when i went to sleep, but its like. i don't know how to explain it, but its like, i'm a loser and no one is going to help a loser. but its deeper than that. my trazadone seems like its catching up with me.UGHHHHH!

I could have written this myself. I mean, if I had any talent at all with poetry.

So you can feel the pain that I feel? I am sorry you are feeling so bad. It sucks real bad. If you ever need to talk or anything, I am always here. Peace.