Flesh Tearing As You Move Away

The biggest betrayal is from the one we give ourselves completely, their ultimate promise of partnership an attractive lure that formed a mirage of something that gets exposed as something that does not exist. A foundation half build, its weakness hidden by years of proximity and doubt most too hard to hear. Completely blindsided by how quickly one’s life can collapse.

Our supposed knowledge turns to dust, our foundations crumbling in a blink of an eye. Unveiling an unrecognizable figure ice cold and years away, a haunting of my deepest fears and testament to our failure to each other. I find a void growing within as I discover more placed where you existed inside, now they are ripped open like a war wounds, your hardened heart a weapon wielded against mine unprotected and bare to yours alone, like cannibalism you started devouring your own. Using me and only spitting me out once you had enough strength to stand alone, then to my surprise you looked back at me with disbelieving eyes as if what I had was not enough.

My pride my sin, my inflated trust in my abilities stretched far beyond the truth, my failures now stand as an open book for all to judge. My love meaningless as it never reached its mark.

Was I blinded, am I a fool? I never expected utopia only a small happy place in life we could share together. Why is its greatest strength its ankles’ heal? The choices of ones partner as an immense source of empowerment or a foreign substance that kills you from within. My commitment prematurely broken by forces I cannot control, its promises fading away into nothingness. Why does life play these cruel games? Its belter to not have tasted than to taste and then loose it forever, its memories lingering a haunting of a not so distant past.

Words slice through our destiny, weighing so much more than ease they are thrown around. Their echoes ear shattering loud as I feel them vibrating down to my bone.

Betrayed, confused where can I go? The support of others my lifeline to an unsure future that awaits, still however my loneliness in the midst of people a burning pain I cannot extinguish or escape. So many paths before me, choices relentlessly demanding attention, their meaning to severe to bear. From within I can feel the claws of hate scraping at my heart searching to destroy me from within.

I have changed, I gave given so much that I don’t know who I am anymore without you. I am incomplete and broken. O the cleverness of me, the audacity of my false sense of wisdom.

Empty the cup! Empty the Cup! It was filled with lies let us fill it with pain. Nothing is real but the judgment behind the pretense. A mockery of that what was my dearest possession.

The darkness closing in... I fight to stay awake as the fear of waking up to an unchanged reality lies heavy on my heart. The sleep brings no escape as it contains ghosts of the truth as my mind struggles to find peace.

Disbelief.

I have treasured a flawed blood diamond, seemingly beautiful on the outside but resonating a rotten stench of in-appreciation up close. Its unknown story a hangman’s noose I did not see.

Why? So many reasons hiding the truth. Could I have.. How could you have... Silence is the only answer.
mindnoter mindnoter
26-30, M
1 Response Nov 29, 2012

You write extremely well :) Also, I could relate to this 100%. But don't close yourself off just yet. The best may be still to come, and hopefully someone truly good and committed as yourself will cross your path!

Thanks, one can only hope.. For now though I am focussing on finding myself again.