A Cake For You, My Friend

Here is a cake,
I baked it myself;
I filled it with love,
And left it on a shelf.
It's been sitting there,
For only god knows how long;
Just found it yesterday,
And...Oh dear god that looks wrong.
There's a graveyard of flies,
Coating the top;
My friend accidentally dropped it,
And swept it up with a mop.
The dog may have licked it,
and it's covered in hair;
My girlfriend stepped in it,
She didn't know it was there.
Some ants may have colonized,
So you might want to avoid the middle;
And what's that under the whipped cream...?
I'm not solving that riddle.
My mother found it on Wednesday,
And put it back as good as new;
Then accidentally knocked it off,
And it landed in dog- eww.
My cousin came over for a visit,
And though my mother warned him twice;
He was scratching his hair,
Now the cake's filled with lice.
So I found it and boxed it as a gift,
Because you're my dearest friend;
Though it may be too late when you find this,
And your good graces may end.
Heh...it's probably fine,
And on your table it probably sits;
I wouldn't advise eating it,
Or you'll have a severe case of the shi-