Afraid

I can't put myself first because then I'm being selfish.
If i don't care what other people think, then I don't care.
BUT I DO CARE!!!
I care too much!!!
There is so much sadness in this world that I want to make sure I never bring any to anyone.
So I give away all my happiness to others
and keep all the sadness for myself.
BUT THE TRUTH IS I DON'T CARE!!!
I don't care if you don't think I'm right as long as you don't think I'm wrong.
Because I have a paralyzing fear of being wrong.
not of thinking wrong but of DOING wrong!
Because I can't think of anybody else as wrong 'cause I'm never right.
And I'm afraid of trying,
I'm afraid of not,
I'm afraid of wasting my life or anyone else's time,
I'm Afraid of dying,
I'm afraid of living!!!

And I'm most afraid of how I'M ALWAYS AFRAID!!!
And I'm terrified of how no one else is terrified
or at least they don't talk about it,
BUT NEITHER DO I!
heymoon95lw heymoon95lw
18-21, F
Dec 7, 2012