Confidence Issues = Physical Issues

I'm really relating to this group right now! *Sigh. I have a new partner of 4 months and he was married for 18 yrs until they separated last year, (although they'd had problems for about 3 years), so I believe him when he says he's "having problems" because he's nervous about being with a new woman and he was with the same partner for so long, but he doesn't want sex nearly as much as me. He's in his mid 40's, and he works a lot, so he's tired a lot and I don't want to be unreasonable, but I just can't get enough!! He says that things with his wife were boring in bed and toward the end she told him "he did nothing for her", which is BS and cruel, and I know that's affected his self esteem. But I tell him he's amazing and that it was obviously her, not him, but his confidence is really down. I give him a lot of attention so he knows how much I want him, and he seems fine then, but when it comes to actually "doing it" he goes down. (I'm trying to write this subtly so I don't get in trouble!) Anyway...it's frustrating as hell and I know he feels really embarrassed about it, so I'm trying not to make a big deal about it, just saying it's normal and things will be okay eventually....give it time, but I am dying with frustration.  He will do other things for me, but I just seem to never be satisfied. Any guys had this issue and can offer advice on improving his confidence or what we can do?? I do know he is attracted to me and wants me, so it's not that. Although I worry about whether he still has stronger feelings for his ex than he's allowing himself to admit. Any help?????
tao32 tao32
31-35, F
1 Response May 13, 2012

you need to have total time to each other....as if he got lots in his mind, that can affect it too..its not eazy but it can work out, if both of you try and work it out.....and he need to get himself more positive towards it.....mid 40s still can do it.....if he is totally only for you, then there should be a crave happening there too.....there are alot of factors that can be related too.

Thanks Johnny. I do know he's got a lot on his mind and I do think that he is so busy that we're not getting enough time to just be together and relax. It's like he is always worried about what else he has to do and at the moment his ex is being really tough on his kids and he's worried about them. I guess I have to try to be more patient. He has all sorts of other things happening now too like the divorce settlement is causing him a lot of anxiety and he's having to sell his house and divide property etc. It's very stressful for him. I think perhaps I do need to be patient, but also insist that just once a week at least, we commit to spending a few hours together with no other distractions. I'll talk with him. Thank you so much. :-)

you are welcome....anytine