Want More Guy Friends

Most of my life i had a few close friends...but due to most of my friends getting married and disappearing for years (ha!) I've lost most of my friends.

I'm having some trouble making new male friends.

I get along with people pretty well and have a lot of acquaintances but have had a tough time getting some "close' guy friends..the kind that you can get together without 15 emails, 12 phone calls, and 10 text messages, plus 2 re-cancels...ughhh...do you guys know this feeling...i miss my younger days, when you'd just pick up the phone and say 'hey let's go watch a game tonight"....I'd love to have a few of those types of friends again.

I don't appear 'non-manly', but i do think that i have some insecurity about hanging out with 'men's men'...whatever that really is.

ALSO, i quit drinking two years ago, that has made it really difficult...b/c so much of what i did with male friends was getting together having some drinks, and hanging out....I'm perfectly at ease with people drinking around me, but i dont' feel comfortable anymore going out with a group of guys who are just getting hammered.

Anyway, just thought i'd check in here...maybe be able to get and / or give some help.
mickman100 mickman100
41-45, M
1 Response Mar 17, 2012

Thanks for sharing. I suspect this is somewhat common from men i've talked to. Probably the best way to go about it is to "just as if we were trying to meet a woman"...start fishing in ponds of similar interests. It seems that I should just face the facts that I'm not really wanting to hang out at bars all the time, and also finding myself as i get older not being a "late night" person (in terms of going out to watch music shows that start at 11pm). So that "should" in theory help<br />
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I do think, though, that men have a natural competitive nature that starts when we are young...it's all about "doing things"...who can run faster, throw farther, and moves on throughout with our lives into who makes the most money, etc....so it can be hard to trust another guy when we've been taught to be very competitive.<br />
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I think finally for me, when i end up meeting someone that i feel i get along with, maybe it's homophobia, or maybe just "a lack of options for men" to go do that do not involve drinking. So i kind of get stuck on the "what in the heck could i ask this person to do, that would be a step further than our casual knowing each other. The easiest is always to say, 'lets go get a beer somewhere"...that's a *man* thing...but would i ask another guy to go to a movie, or a walk in the park..ok i'm kind of joking, b/c yeah it feels weird "taking the first step" to further a male friendship.<br />
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So that's where the mutual interest seems so important..if you both love, just say classical music..then that's a great chance to do something together. Maybe i'll have to rethink 'the ponds' i'm fishing in for male friends..<br />
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Good luck to you!