My Atomic Dustbin

What a load to put on someone! I have so much crap...well there's a lot more to me than crap, but the crap alone would weigh down the heartiest of hearts. There have been a few times where Ive encountered people who say that they want to know me. So I test them. I tell them something or show then a certain aspect of my personality....out comes the judgments. Out comes the hypocrisy and the chickens fly the coop.
There's one person I know right now. He's a self proclaimed sociopath who may or nay not be mildly schizophrenic. I'm actually having an affair with him and we talk about all kinds of deep, dark things. He hasn't bailed or backtracked 3 months into now. Just to show that I'm logical, our sex is off the chain insane, so I could probably say I was an ax murderer, he wouldn't bat an eye. I try yo put myself in that persons place: How would I take someone who was totally and utterly open and completely honest with me...I'd fall head over heels! Assuming they'd be attractive, of course. I'm not shallow **** with a shallow ****, but I can be when necessary. So, yeah, that's a lot to ask of someone, but I welcome the challenge.
ImaRedA ImaRedA
36-40, F
1 Response Jan 20, 2013

You have to be you - some are more reserved than others, but I know what you mean about testing others. I was getting to know a new woman friend and I divulged something that I saw instantly turn her off. I could tell that she wanted to get away from me - hurrying the last part of our walk where we would be met by her daughter and she could part ways at that point. I was hurt by her refusal to "go there" conversation-wise. She obviously judged me and kept me at arms length and I felt it immediately. Puts a real damper on a young friendship! But at least I found out early enough :)