I've given up a few times.. Still have the scars on my wrist to prove it and the papers from the hospital from the one time I tried to od on pain medicine, I've battled with depression for years, I lost my oldest sister, my grandma, my uncle, and my great grandparents, my brother has disowned me and every time I try to get involved with him he downgrades me and I can't say anything because I believe him even when I know I'm better then that, I can't change the fact that I still believe everything he says is true, I sit and watch as every day my mother gets worse and worse and no one can help her, doctors can't even ease the pain anymore. I constantly want to kill myself but I think about my friend and about my nieces and I breakdown and I either talk to my friend or I lock myself up in my room and shut everyone out. I breakdown at least once a month, I'm so stressed that no matter how much I want to eat or need to, I can't and if I do I literally get sick. I've messed my back up so bad because my sister will watch my mother fall when she has a seizure and just walk away, I'm the one that picks her up and carries her and when my mom starts to wake up my sister locks me out of the room and tells mom that she's the one that moved her and guilts mom into giving her her pain meds and I'm laying in my bed unable to move because of the amount of pain I'm in with no way to get to a doctor for help. And my sister has breaks into my room and steals my clothes and belongings when I leave the house for a few minutes and then I have to deal with her yelling and screaming and hitting me when I take them back. I can't take living like this but I know if I leave no one will be there for my mom. I just don't know what to do anymore..
FoxyRose FoxyRose
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 17, 2014

Id love to give you a hug.

Hey, I'm here. If you want to talk, I'm happy to listen. I'm sorry for everything that happened to you.