I'm His Boss...

I think I'm in love with my employee. We have an amazing professional relationship, and we;re developed a close friendship. I keep things professional and so does he, but sometimes I think we're flirting, and other times I second guess myself.

I can't have him because I'd never put my career on the line for a romance. My career is my livelihood, and I just wouldn't put myself in a position to lose my job, no matter how into him I am.

He's flirtatious, and has told me he thinks I'm beautiful a few times. It's always in a joke context, so I just call him a "suck up' and move on... But I can't say it doesn't get to me.


Do I like him just because he treats me well? Would I feel the same if he didn't report to me? Am I reading signals that are not there? Why can't I stop thinking about him?


lgoodmn31 lgoodmn31
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 18, 2010

I am actually dating a girl who I worked for at my EMS job. I have to say though, she was a horrible boss. She didn't have the courage to actually fire anyone, even when several of the guys constantly harassed her. All said though, she is a wonderful person, and I don't know what I would do without her.

I gotta disagree with the last post. The reason you can't pursue this relationship isn't just because it would mess up your career. It's because the realationship would never be equal. You are his boss. You can hire and fire him. You can give him a raise. You can help him advance his career. You have all the power. Relationships have to be equal to be healthy. And have you considered that he might actually be sucking up? That he senses your attraction to him and is using it for the raise-good evalutaion-advancement?

lgoodmn31 I know you posted this a long time ago, but I just came across it and felt a need to respond: I am so sorry .... I know exactly how you feel. I am going through the same thing right now (well sort of, the person of interest is not flirtatious - much...and things are a little more complicated because of age difference/religious background).<br />
I think the first kind of love we should have is for friends - if we have that then we have a solid foundation to build a romantic sort of love.... so I think you are on the right track in that aspect (not that it matters what I think). Anyway.... why do you feel you second guess yourself? In my view if a man is telling you he thinks you are beautiful... he is saying a lot more than the words.... maybe it is in respect - sometimes we find things and people beautiful out of reverence.... or maybe he is talking about his deep feelings for you. Why does it matter so much that he is an employee? (yes I get the conflict of interest.... but as long as you are friends first and you keep professional at work... well, you are both adults. Maybe that is my foolishness talking, but I need a glimmer of hope) <br />
I have found no way out of this problem, I absolutely *dread* going to work since she started working for me.<br />
I sincerely hope you have found peace since you posted your experience.