last night my husband asked me why i'd spent all night on the computer. so i told him.
i told him i'd been chatting with someone i'd met online and he'd been telling me about his childhood experiences and i'd been telling him about mine. and that although the experiences were very different we seem to have emerged from those experiences quite similar in some ways.
i explained to my husband that i was exploring codependency and passive aggression in the hope i would be able to start correcting my learned behaviour and thereby, hopefully, become a better person, wife and mother.
i forget everything he said. the basics were that he believes we are all just born the way we are and that our past experiences have not contributed to our current behaviour or feelings in any way.
so i asked him why he's so angry all the time. he said it's because his dad and his mother were angry. simple. i think it's because he was abandoned by his father and brought up by an overcontrolling mother who poisoned him against his father and gave him a gazillion hangups about himself, but i daren't say that.
anyway. fact of the matter is i won't be getting any help from him. it's all mumbo jumbo as far as he's concerned; a complete waste of my time.
i really am not sure when he stopped being my best friend and turned into my father...
i'm feeling more alone than usual, trying to make sense of things on my own. again. i am so tired of only ever having myself to look after myself.
i wish someone would want to help me. if i'd ever accept that help.
i really need a break.