Husband Doesn't Want to Hold Or Touch My Hand

This Experience caught my attention last night.  I usually stay with the Sexless Marriage Experience, but feel that the lack of affection has eroded my very soul.

My husband is not a touchy feeling type of person (his words)

We attended a funeral of a dear cousin last week ... Everybody who was walking down the aisle behind the casket were showing each other a form of connection, whether that was holding hands, or embracing as they walked in sorrow.  When I reached out for my husband's hand .. he pulled back ... then reluctantly held mine for about 15 seconds .. that was it ... even in my sorrow, I felt the pain of being alone, with him, once again.

I like to reach out and touch him, his hair, his shoulders, and he "tolerates" my touch until he squirms away...  When he is sick I like to touch his hand and God For bide if I move my fingers on his hand, he tells me straight out .. "I don't like to be touched" ... "please stop that doesn't feel good to me"

My grandchildren love to hold and touch my hand .  The human touch of hand in hand, or hand to hand is so comforting .. I pray in my old age that my grandchildren will continue to touch my hands .

No matter the age, "most people", I believe, do like to be touched... whether we are sick or healthy, we all thrive on the human touch ... Hand Holding is something that everybody can do, but they don't, especially my husband ....

reflections3 reflections3
61-65, F
18 Responses Apr 9, 2009

Touch is one of the most important, aspects of being human. All around the world babies, turn there heads to the wall, while laying in there cribs and die. This is because the lack of human touch. Perhaps you should talk to him about this problem. Dose he have a trouble touching or holding hands with your children, or your grandchildren? I ask this question because if he only has a problem with touching you, then maybe you should start taking stock to your marriage. You might even might want to speak with a therapist, or has hard as it is to think of moving on. Look deep in to your heart and see if you can find the answers you are looking for there. I went through this same touch-less marriage myself about 3 or 4 years ago, so I can understand how you must be feeling. I am truly sorry for what he is putting you through.

Is he Asperger?? Sounds like he could be Asperger!

Damn reptile.

I admit I love to touch and be touched .. holding hands is not as visually important to me .. as a Public Show of Affection .. as is the warmth of another person's hand in mine .. that connects us and brings us to the same place at the same time .. Maybe I am a dreamer? Touch is important from the cradle to the grave ... and before and I am sure after.<br />
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Feeling sentimental tonight .. You made me smile.

Reflections, just remind yourself that your wanting to touch and be touched speaks enough of your warm connection with him. If he doesn't want to - his loss. Wish I was in his place really - I might have smothered ya and not release ya.

My father left my mother and brother when I was only4 years old. My mother told me after I had left home that she did not hug me throughout my childhood because she thought that it would make me a sissy and less manly especially being brought up by a single mum.<br />
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I think that this had the effect on me that I grew to think that any sort of touching or hugging was only suitable in a sexual context so has even inhibited me hugging my own children. My logic and reasoning now tell me that actually the ability to hug people contributes to one being a more complete rounded human being.

i agree it's so sad to not get the physical touch on a regular basis. the less you do, the less you do. my husband and i barely ever touch. when he does try to touch me i'm now the one who pulls away....i hate it.

reflections3,<br />
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This is so sad and brought several tears to my eyes.<br />
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My wife has recently become tactily frigid and it hurts me so much. It feels like we are continually being beaten down even though we are already on the ground. I think every community should have a cuddling and hugging centre where we could recharge and nourish our deprived bodies with the beauty and magic of touch.

Your story makes me very sad for you. I was in a relationship that was very similar. He said he didn't like being touched, if I lightly caressed his arm or squeezed his leg out of affection he would tell me to stop saying that being touched lightly annoyed him, or it tickled too much. It upset me a lot. I know how it feels and I don't understand why some people are like that.

S-<br />
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Apologize? If he could apologize, he could hug her.<br />
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I said to my daughter "Do you feel like he doesn't love you"? She said "No, I don't feel that way, I know he loves me".<br />
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Isn't that strange? I feel the same way about him. We must have an extra sensor that can pick up his low, low, low, vibrations for feelings.

Reflections -<br />
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That is so sad. <br />
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My l6 year old daughter told me last night that she went to give my husband a hug a short time ago. She wanted to thank him for a locket we gave her for her l6th birthday.<br />
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He barely hugged her and then pulled back and said, "Okay, that's enough". <br />
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My heart just broke for her.

This may be hard to admit... But I too am one of those prople who doesn't like to be touched that way. It wasn't allways that way... But I have trust issues. I also allways feel like my space is being invaded by someone wanting to hold my hand. This has gotten worse to the point that I don't like my wife doing it anymore... but that is because of our Stressful marriage situation.

Even if it isn't perceivable physically, spiritually I am holding your hand. When things get really rough, I squeeze your shoulder. I know how it feels when such touch, even from a stranger brings you nearly to tears with relief.

My boyfriend is the same way. So i think i cant relate to some level. I understand the need of wanting that comfort from him.<br />
It just gets me upset that i feel like i have to hold back too much. I guess some men are jus strange.

my wife does not like any touching ... so i guess women can be strange to

Dr. Kermit says: There are some kinds of people (like those with more severe forms of autism or schizophrenia ) that don't Like to be touched. There are also some physical conditions that might make touch painful - like Rheumatoid Arthritis or Fibromyalgia. <br />
The point? If there is no severe mental or physical impairments, most MAMMALS like being touched. Even mammals that don't initially enjoy being touched CAN be trained to enjoy touching. Perhaps you husband isn't a mammal. Have you checked lately? :>

I am sorry to hear that you are not getting asuch a simple yet very important part of life, but, there really are people out there, for whatever their reason's are, just do not know how to except and/or receive love. It is his lose, but it is also everybody elses in both of your worlds. With hope, maybe one day he'll smarten up.

Such a simple gesture that is denied to you in a time of sorrow. You are a beautiful loving woman. You also can have my hand anytime that you need me.<br />
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Picture us sitting around that campfire on that tropical island with no worries or hurts. Like carefree children singing and laughing. Forever happy. Forever loved. Forever young.

awe poor thing... no need to go through that...lets find a way out.