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Are You Automatically Entitled To Emotions?

My husband and I build a business from our shared passion. As the business grew and did our family I have found myself spending more and more time in the office.

The past 3 years I have withdrew from our clients and social side, stayed home when others went away, it just became two depressing and to hard to go with them with two small children. Last year was the worst. I watched the things meant for my husband and I to share, things we had planned to experience together, he was now experiencing with another woman, someone who helped out for free, someone who all I saw was my replacement. I worked so hard to create all this and she was reaping all the benefits. This threw me into on and off again deep depression.

This year things finally began to pick up. I saw a plan to go away with everyone else spring. Something I haven't be able to do for years. A start. A new beginning. Then a sudden change of plans. My reason for going was taken away and given to her.

A whirlwind of anger and jealousy took over me. To the point where I confronted my husband and told him I cannot go on sharing my life with her. Watching her live my dream life while I am condemned to office worker and parent.

Being the delight he is he made it so she isn't at the business any more. Now I am happier at work, enjoying having my life back, but now I feel guilt and sadness. Borderline back to depression that those around us assume I became jealous and threw her out.

I don't know if I was entitled to the feelings I had or if I behaved badly.

I feel with or without her I feel such strain, I feel like my job by dream has been tainted, ruined and I'm having trouble moving on.

So confused.
JheregVonMunch JheregVonMunch 31-35, F Nov 23, 2011

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