Is Love Available?

My whole life has been a struggle for finding pure love without conditions. It seems that everyone I get involved with puts conditions on me and don't accept me for who I am and who I am not. I come from a family of six siblings including myself. We lost our parents when I was really young and there was nothing there to keep us together. Being the youngest, I was always seeking that pure love. There weren't a whole lot of hugs and "I love you's" since we were all into different things. The relationships I sought were always abusive and chaotic. My dad was angry a lot and abusive. He was loving and a good provider, but heaven help you if he had a bad day! So I sought out people the same as my father. Then one day something clicked. It was all too wrong. I don't deserve the abuse from their excess baggage or my own. I learned that I was capable of loving and being loved. The thing is this, are my expectations too great for finding that pure love where I am accepted and I can accept him as he is? There is not a lot of love out there these days in the current world that we live in.  I am different in my views and philosophies and that is okay. My dilemma is where do we gentle people fit in? 

pethealer pethealer
46-50, F
23 Responses May 7, 2008

Very hard to find what you are looking for in such a violent world focused on competition and profit.
You can create a detailed profile (for that you have to know who YOU really are...), and hope for the best! Wish your dream comes true.

I believe love is always available. Start with loving yourself first and being happy and the rest should follow. I think that you shouldn't have to be pursuing love, love will happen when the time is right and least expected.

those that have eyes cannot see.and those that have conscience cannot find a good love.those that have respect dont see who to send it to.well i have been looking for a truthful woman with a aromatic heart. but all the one i find is either drugerss or clubbers and they will not tell you the first time.but i m a born catholic, that grow up with a fear of GOD.i never know when i will find i real love and i want to enjoy my life because i like peace

You have come to the right point.Yes it is pure love everyone is seeking.I say there is pure love existing in this world and I had tasted it ,but not in the form of man woman relationship, it is divine in origin. Some can give this to you for a fraction of time . You can also give this to someone a bit. Bur to sustain and hold the flow constant, it is impossible for most of us There is no point in blaming any body because they can not give you what they do not have . Some are born with this wonderful quality and they are very rare and may be far away, they may be with some lucky ones in this regard.Our own heart had to purged off all the impurities by systematic living.A day will come you will experience the flow of pure love flowing out of your heart to every one one you meet irrespective of what they are.You will have fulfillment of life .Searching for pure love among ordinary mortals is a waste of time.You have to be practical with everyone around for time being and set required goals properly. for a truthful and innocent living.

Glad you have realized that you don't deserve or need to put up with any type of abuse. I have not been abused but I have been used. I am a "Nice Guy", and have been taken advantage of in the past, so I know its not quite the same, but I understand your question of where you fit in, I ask the same. So far anyone that seemed to accept me for me, has only done so to get something then toss me aside. But I still keep looking, I learn a little from each encounter and relationship and hopefully I will find that someone that can truly be a partner in life, I know she exists, but it is a big world so I just hope I find her. Good luck to you, and don't accept anything less than a gentle loving person in your life.

There is someone for everyone -sometimes when we look for love and are determined to find it we end up being disappointed. I've learned over years of experience from not so great relationships that sometimes we just need to stop searching and let love find you- when I did that I found a great man in the oddest place (myspace) and I'm not one to look for a man on the internet but this one I'm glad I found that was 2 years ago and we're still together-don't give up hope you will find the right one or should I say the right one will find you.

Waiwera does bring about some important things. <br />
<br />
I was always "in search" of love and acceptance for who I am.<br />
<br />
As I get older.. I'm still wanting a good "love and acceptance" relationship but some things have got pur ahead of it. <br />
<br />
I take care of my husband and my mother so it takes up alot of time and I guess I can't worry about what I need. <br />
<br />
My husband has "grown" to accept things as they are with me and has "overlooked" the fact that I'm overweight but it does "affect" he loves me. Acceptance and love are very tricky indeed. <br />
<br />
I've learned through the years not to reflect or dwell on things because the flow of life sometimes doesn't go the way you want it too.<br />
<br />
With that being said, keep your dreams and don't loose sight of them but give them time to evolve.

My Dream -<br />
<br />
"Love" and marriage IS generally a business contract, but it doesn't HAVE to be! It depends on BOTH partners making clear to each other what their starting point and agreements are - then there can be no arguments later about what they expected or would agree upon...<br />
<br />
However, that said, relationships between humans are apt to be very tricky, as you simply can't know what you're getting into, because the sub- and unconscious minds are vast compared to the conscious mind, and they contain "the muck of the ages". This, you have to be prepared to deal with as it comes up; and if BOTH partners have agreed and are still willing to work on these in self-honesty, supporting each other unconditionally, there's hope for the relationship's survival. If not - recognise when its time to say "enough!" Allowing abuse is not honouring nor loving self - which is important to do.

Good Luck! My 1st husband abused me. My second husband I had known since 7th grade, so I already knew what he was like and he still had the same personality. Our marriage was awesome or so I thought. Then I got sick out of the blue, doctors had no idea what I had. Five years later, it is now believed he poisoned me, so he could divorce and have all the money. Now my fiance, A SOLDIER mind you, gets mad if I ask a question that might pertain to his integrety. Yet, Ive got him in a few lies. Now, I have found out that he lied about both his 4day pass and his r&r. He promised to see me during both, get married, etc., only to find out he just wants to be home with mommy. However, this time I called his bluff, told him Id meet him there. Now he wants to call everything off cuz I questioned his integrity and told me he didnt want me there cuz his mommy would have a long list of things for him to do. Love Doesnt Exist Anymore.... thats my opinion. Sorry, if that hurt anyone. However, there are many women, I know that feel the same way. As, several men told me, "Marriage is nothing more than a business contract."

Love, like ALL things IS conditional! Even a parent's love for a child, if that child turned out to be a psycho killer, would be taken back a step into a realm safe for the parent, like no contact, or only visiting them in jail...That's an extreme example, but I give it to say that love is, and should be conditional. We can't be expected to love, love, love even through abuse and betrayal. We must love ourselves as much as we expect to be loved by another, as much as we would love another. With respect. And not violate those non-negotiable things that make love possible, like respect, truth, forbearance, honor. And, while you're searching for Mr. Right, check out Christian Carter's website ( and download his e-book, "Catch Him and Keep Him." That book, by a guy, tells how guys think, and what and why and when they think it. It looks like, yes, guys can love, but they do it for different reasons and with different timing than gals do. Very valuable information! Good luck!

Love is not in short supply ! its limitless! The more you value yourself the more your relationships will reflect this.

Have you ever thought of just living your life and leaving it up to God to bring someone into your life that will love and accept you for who you r. I have found that most women including myself have gone out to pursue someone to love us. When we finally think we find that person we set out to change them into something they r not. We are so full of faults and always seem to want what someone else isn't willing to give. The only love that is perfect is the love of God given to us in Christ. Even when we finally seem to get someone into our life that we adore,we may find that we are not satisfied with that love and want someone else to try and love us better. the problem is us. Too many unrealistic expectations from those that say they love.

It is a sad fact that many people, men and women, who have suffered abuse from a parent, often enter a relationship of a similar nature, when they are older. What you ask for is unattainable. Why? Because for someone to accept you as you are, takes a lot of time to get to know you; your foibles, likes, dislikes, moods-good and bad, and all the things that make you, you. Love, true unabashed love, in its infant stages, is wonderful. You know that already. As we age, we change. We see in our partners, as they see in us, little things that are no longer there, or things that are there, but were not there in the beginning. Love has to evolve to take in these changes. For many, it doesn't, hence separation and divorce.<br />
There are people out there who are capable of giving and receiving unconditional love, but finding that person is never going to be easy. If it was, divorce lawyers would be out of a job. However, I wish you success in finding your perfect man.

Here is a piece of advice / analysis that I found on the 'Net, that may be helpful: <br />
<br />
"The eternal search for love - which manifests the polarity of 'hate' as 'abuse' - because it's the statement you're making of yourself - I am 'unloved' - therefore I need love, which will actually manifest the experience of yourself as 'hate' and all that hate incorporates = abuse = messed up". <br />
<br />
To get to love yourself is the prime requirement here. If you need a further explanation of this perspective, feel free to say so!

Are you bypassing people for the wrong reasons?<br />
<br />
Take another walk through the people you have known and look again.<br />
Why would this man be an unacceptable candidate?<br />
If you put it into words, does it still make sense?<br />
Is it about looks?<br />
Income?<br />
Educational level?<br />
Politics?<br />
<br />
If you think again, should they be important?<br />
Some of them are important, but maybe you just never thought <br />
deeply enough about the others? Or maybe you have changed?

Honestly, it wasn't until I gave up on finding "the one" that I found him. It took over 6 years, but it happened. It's just like any other thing that you lose, it's when you give up looking for it that you suddenly find it, often in the most obvious places, haha!

a girl after my own heart....<br />
everyone is individual and deserves to be heard, held and loved.

I think alot depends on how you view yourself... I've met girls that were extremely beautiful to themselves, and that beauty they felt about themselves made them more beautiful than girls who could be physically more appealing. I think it might also work with the way you love people and are loved. Love is work, too, even if you DO "BE YOURSELF" you have to take into account that YOURSELF is still under construction, and be willing to change, and realize that is still being yourself.

being yourself is a step in the right direction!

girl your family seems like minehopefully i don't grow up with a guy like you had no efence but id like to talk to you .you got a big family wow and yep as well as you iam the baby of the family i have 2 brothers and a sister and my dad was ok....but he got into ALOT of figths with my brother johnny Hun you don't know how many time tha cops hav been called to our house but them finally my dad moved now its just me my ma my brother joey and my sister ...sorry to just ramble on but i cant help it once i start talkin everything comes back ...YEA SO ANYWAYS p,s id really like to talk to ya.

I only knew abusive relationships until I said NO MORE. I really needed a change in my life so I prayed about it and now I have an incredible man, that stands by me, waits on me, and is so very kind to me, and all of our kids. My life is drastically changed! There are still good men out there!

i know how you feel my family hate me foe being gay and they cant accept me for it and they uses it againt me and i even hate me for it and i havent be able to find that love but it,s out there.

The last man I was with reminded me a lot of my dad. He even looked a little bit like him. When I took note of that, it freaked me out a bit. I have been without for four months now and I am okay with that. I did love him dearly but i knew it wasn't meant to be. He refused to grow up and act like a mature man. It's not so bad being alone. I do have lots of friends, a rewarding job(not$$$), a vegetable garden, two cats, my teenaged daughters(they don't live with me), a real talkative roommate. If I don't talk, she thinks I am mad at her. I told her I enjoy time in my cave sometimes. So it's okay.