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I Know It's Cliche....

I've never been in love.  I had one "girlfriend" when I was 18 for about a month.  It was just one of those pointless, let's get together because.  I feel like I've never needed to be in love so far.  I feel like now I do though. I don't know if it's just because I'm lonely or depressed.  I would like to be loved just for being me, understanding me and my opinions and my feelings.  I would give so much to someone I loved.  I think at times, everyone needs someone to love just to get through the challenges life confronts.  I'm in that challenge now.  I feel like giving up.  I've thought of suicide and how to do it if I really do want to.  I've never told anyone explicityly I have thought about it because I'm afraid they'll just be awkward and move on.  I can understand but I really feel it shouldn't be a taboo anymore.  The rates of suicide and depression has increased.  I think this says something about our society as a whole. 

See how I diverge...

I know I shouldn't pray to God for ever wanting someone, but I will pray for him to send someone in to my life... I just don't think I will last much longer otherwise. :'(  Tearing up writing this.
disillusionedkid disillusionedkid 18-21, M Sep 10, 2011

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