P6 - Can A Marriage Work If One Person Is Religious And The Other Is Not?

My husband and I both grew up in highly Catholic families. I did CCD (i believe it means Confraternity of Christian Doctrine) as a child and received my communion. As I furthered in education and learned a lot about scientific matters, I began questioning religion. i believe in facts and truth and science. I need proof. But as I delved more into education, my whole viewpoint on religion changed. I just don't believe in all of it. And to be honest with you, I feel as though religion causes plenty of problems in society. For instance, gay marriage, abortion, contraception, sex before marriage, etc etc. I believe in love and people having control over their own bodies. Religion becomes something that taints everything. Recently, I ran into this quote:


It sums up everything that I feel. I am a very good person. I do not say bad words (except during sex (^ʊ^)), I am compassionate with the environment and with animals, I have wonderful relationships with others in my life, I don't steal, I don't hurt others. I believe that we should respect others and be happy for others. I did not need religion in my life to be a good person. I just needed good friends and family. Yet, I am told that if I am not "saved," I will be condemned to hell?! WTF?!?!?! UGGGH! I do not want to associate myself with anything religious. I do not hate it, but I do not want to be around it.

My husband recently was "saved" and has taken on Christianity very heavily. It bothers me a lot. And I told him that he can do whatever feels right to him as long as he doesn't push me into it. He is very understanding, but I wonder if it makes him as sad as it makes me. I do not want to be a conservative person. I love speaking my mind and I do not feel bad for my believes. There are many things that we do not agree on, but we are trying to deal with it.

Anyways, we are working on our marriage right now and I am gaining plenty of support on this site. THIS is my therapy. He is at a Christian Marriage Therapy class. He wanted to know if I wanted to go, but I have already gone to a handful of church-related functions with him to support him. I feel so suffocated there. I CANNOT STAND IT! I told him thanks, but no thanks. I'd rather do homework, AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT!!!

Anyhow, I feel horrible that we cannot be on the same page with this. We respect and care for one another VERY much. But this religious stuff, can it interfere with our relationship? I AM NOT GOING TO CHANGE, and I believe, neither will he. I am grounded and sure of myself and I couldn't be more proud. But it's hard that these are VERY strong factors that depict who we are individually. Can this interfere with working for a successful marriage???
airzm airzm
31-35, F
9 Responses Feb 24, 2012

Christians who are 'born again' can be an absolute pain in the ***. It is like all their common sense has gone out the window and they believe all the crap they are told.

I realised that that religion was not good when young, it is full of hypocrites and child molesters.

Now I follow Buddhism, my wife is not that much into it but is cool with it. It is more a philosophy than religion and teaches the right way to live. It is up to the individual how they conduct themselves and if they do bad they can expect it back.

How many priests will rot in hell, hopefully all those thousands of child molesters. Friends of mine who went to catholic schools experienced such abuse.

I feel like religion becomes the sole reason why people discriminate against another person or a group of people. I grew up Catholic, but once I started getting older, my eyes opened up to a world people people used religion and/or the bible for putting others down. I live my life now where I just do my best to be good.

Thanks for the response :-)

who says GOD will not love you as you are,it seems you have done wellin life and icannot believe with a clear conscience that you are damed to hell,GOD loves you as his daughter,ppl are crazyjust be true to yourtself and be kind and loving GOD will take care of you lovinly.

this can be a major problem if you two cannot respect each others views i feel,like you the way it is givinto the ppl causes more harm then good lol

This question interests me because, as a non-religious man, I am faced with women who place God above all else, women who want a man who does the same. <br />
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Can a marriage between a religious person and a non-religious person work? This, I don't have an answer to offer for you, or me for that matter. I do know that it is next to impossible for me to even get a date for this very reason. <br />
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I cannot understand how a relationship with God can trump a relationship with the one you love, but many Christians feel the two paths are the same. I see things like you, though, and I do fear it will interfere with a successful marriage if Faith consumes one partner, but not the other. <br />
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But I hope that a few religious people have the sense to see people like you and I for who we are and not for what we believe and then accept us into their lives for the sake of love.<br />
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You two already have a foundation to work from. The bond has already been formed. Your situation is somewhat different and I do think there is hope. For those of us who are single, the question you ask has a more clear end result and for us, well, it does not look promising.

sometimes religion is really things to consider but i dont think we are condemn to hell if we dont practice what this people worship and i believe as long you have to believe in God and what devinity is that then things is ok but i hate to associated things with religion because its a long discussion and i hope it has a detente system...LOL

I could explain it to you in details , but I think short replay will do it . <br />
What I see in many Christians is that , they preach religion as something outer.<br />
In genuine faith , you don't impose your believes on others , what's going on many Christian groups is medieval brainwash.

That would depend on your husband's demeanor as a Christian. We vary quite a bit on the spectrum. I'm Christian missionary in SE Asia but I have also won a drag competition in addition to being an advocate for LGBT rights at my school back in Georgia. I hope that lunavica is wrong about your husband because if he is that kind Christian, he may get lost in that culture (which is only nominally Christian, in my opinion). The fact is that the church is drawing him in and it's slowly forcing you out of his life. I believe interreligious marriage can work and work well, but only if both partners are really able to have an open dialogue. <br />
The advice about having that weekend away is a good idea but you need to ask him some questions that will determine whether it's going to work. Ask him about his faith, not the connection he has with the institutional church but how he feels. If you cringe at what you hear, you'll know your answer. This isn't a crack at your Catholic upbringing but Deo volente. <br />
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But I completely and wholeheartedly agree with Lunavica's last line.

Your husband shouldn't go to church functions to figure out how he should save his marriage - he should be at home making Love to you. The more he wastes time at more clueless people like him, the more time he loses to have with you!<br />
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He sounds like someone hiding behind religion to not face himself - the problem lies with him, and religion won't fix it; he has to fix it himself. He seems to be running away from the opportunity to face himself wasting more time to get to it by getting consumed by religion.<br />
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Some people use religion as a scapegoat...an escape... Looks like he is running away from you; seeking meaning in places he will never find it.<br />
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You have to talk to each other; communicate - the problem lies with you two; only YOU TWO can fix it; not any church or some other people on internet forums! You are both running and pulling away from each other... It doesn't seem that you are trying to find each other with him going all religious zealot and you wasting time on the internet. You need to spend time with each other; tell him he shouldn't go to the church and you plug out the computer; take a weekend or a romantic evening for yourselves; just to RECONNECT again...do SOUL talk; to bring up the issue needing to be solved and work from there TOGETHER. Focus on each other and not the church or the internet.<br />
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RELIGION has NOTHING to do with LOVE if it drags people away from their Love ones!!!

depends onhow excepting you are of each other