Sounds Simple Enough

I don't think it's too complicated to love someone without being given instructions. I mean, how difficult is it to show someone respect and give affection treat them the way you want to be treated in return? To me, it's is about giving, about sharing, about compromise and partnership.

So if it's so easy for me, someone please help me understand why it is nearly impossible for my man? Why is it that he needs instructions on how to love me? Why do I have to tell him over and over again what I need from our relationship...from him? I get so tired of hearing, "I'm just a stupid have to TELL me what you want and need". I'm really fed up with the "stupid guy" excuse, because to me, that is ALL it is - an excuse, and a poor one at that.

Granted, communication is very important and sometimes we do need to verbalize these things. But when it comes to the simple basics of a romantic relationship, is it really necessary? Do men forgot so easily?

And he tells me that I'm the complicated one....I'm the one who's confusing and complex. What is so confusing and complex about wanting him to treat me the same way I treat him?

I just don't understand how it can be love, REAL love, if someone's "love" does not come from their own feelings and desires to fulfill you, but instead from being told what to do...given instructions on how to love.
LG76 LG76
36-40, F
4 Responses May 1, 2012

I started to read this and then it dawned on me, that defeats the very title of this, I'm commenting without reading what you wrote....;-) ;-*

Hm.. well there are all sorts of people. I've always heard that males in general aren't that hmm.. detailed? in romance. It doesn't necessarily mean some of us can't or don't love, it's just that we show it differently. But of course if he's not doing much or giving enough effort so that you are satisfied, perhaps he's not that into it.<br />
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In any case, emotional/romantic/whatever or not, a guy will try to make his woman happy if he cares about her. He might not know how, but he will try anything suggested.<br />
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If you wanted to try this; you could make a list of things you would like him to do and put it somewhere he will see daily, like on the fridge or something. If he goes with it and sticks to it, good. You could divide it, like a list of things to do in the bedroom above the bed, things to do in the kitchen on the fridge, etc. Mix it up so it's not so routine and to give him options. May have to remind him that just because you say thanks now doesn't mean he can stop. If he's that sort of guy, he might see it as like 'problem solved'. If things progress well, you could remove the lists and let him decide. Be sure to give back, of course, so he knows he's doing good, and don't get mad if it's not exactly how you wanted it to be done, if he's trying- he's trying.<br />
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Err, well I'm only 19, so maybe this comment is invalid..<br />

thank you for your comment, and everyone's opinions are valid long as they are stated nicely ;)
I have done the list thing...written little post-it notes...ect. And I don't ask him, or even expect him to clean anything...just pick up after himself...say please and thank you...acknowledge me when I hug him or hold his's very simple stuff.... But, for some reason, no matter how much I communicate my needs, he simply doesn't "get it". :(

Ooh... :S maybe he's forgotten how great romance is?

I am sorry ...I am going to stick behind LG here and say ..hogwash..SO it is OK for men to use the excuse that they are not emotional . I am sure LG does not automatically assume all men should get and understand what her idea of love well as I do not either..but I think she has been weith her man long enough that he should have a pretty good idea of it..seeing as how she seems to have communicated it enough times to him for him to now know. Same goes for me.. Communication is important and we communicate our needs...we have to communicate them more than once? how many times?... Apparently in my home daily....because about an hour after it is communicated has been forgotten...I think what we seek is not over the top..and that men are truly capable of these things ..on their why is it we have to change and tell you what we want...but you are able to continue to use the excuse of not being attentive and affectionate etc...without a helping hand or a go get 'em tiger? Seems rather unfair to me.... when you are first beginning a relationship it seems this is the case..needing to put our there what you expect or need or want...but after being together for so long seems these things should be known of each other...this is my opinion...

It was not what cuppa said... and no
I have not seen that movie...

thanks sweetie...I think one would have to walk in our shoes to really understand what we mean. I was not expecting this story to start such an outrage....I was referring to my man...not all men in general!

lol i did not either...but wow ...apparently we were

apparently. I deleted copper's comment....I don't need to bother with people who have to assert their opinion in a negative manner.... I'm not playing that game anymore.

1 More Response

I have the same problem... Why do I need to tell you ALL the time.....and not only in the area of romnce but in the bedroom and in every day tasks...whats the sometimes feels like i am his mother instead of his wife/partner..... and as well had these issues in other relationships (mostly the romance area though)...I am unsure of any advice i too want to know why..and i too am frustrated by this....<br />
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as well....Is it me or would you not think after 10 years of being with someone that they would know certain things about you...i know what my husband likes to eat at each place we go..but he constantly will go out to get us food and bring me the wrong thing...seriously? do not know what i eat by now? ..small , tiny little thing...really in the big picture is not meaningful but in my mind...does he not pay attention to me AT ALL?...<br />
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I could go on for days here...but i will not hijack your story! just wanted to offer my support!<br />
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love ya!

hijack away sweetie! and I know exactly what you're saying and how you feel. Yet, when you try to explain it to them, they only see that they brought the wrong food, NOT the fact that after a decade they still do not know simple things, which is an huge flashing sign saying, "I pay NO attention to you...I don't know you at all".
I hear you girl....and no advice from me either, but we can vent to each other and at least we know someone out there "gets it". xoxo

OK copper...seriously you are just being an *** for the sake of being an ***....if you dislike this post then move on..otherwise why not say something that has a little meaning instead of acting like a 12 year old child