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Words Just Cant Describe Me!

I always stay within my four walls of my bedroom, not wanting to go out into the world. I never knew it would be so hard to write your feelings. One thing I have never discussed with anyone other than my mother was the fact that I knew when someone was going to die within my family and through this i bordered up all my feelings, Knowing when someone was going to die hurts more than anything because you know yet you cant stop it. Maybe it was though me sensing a slight change within that person or animal due to there lack of energy I don't know but I just know and there is nothing I can do to stop it! The feeling is like a panic attack striking hard and fast not being able to breath and your chest and stomach is tight, a weird twisting knotting feeling in my stomach I will never forget, the moment it all began I was about 6 years of age. Me and my Mum, Dad and Sister were in a pub closing the caravan up in wales they hold a little party every year when the session is over. They had the karaoke and dido white flag was playing at this specific moment, I looked across the room where a lady was sitting, I had seen her before but this time is was different, due to a recent accident she had a neck brace around her neck and a pacemaker that you could see the monitor too, she looked lifeless and my whole body felt paralyzed, my heart was racing and felt like it was going to jump out of my body, i felt a sharp sadness like i would never feel happy ever again.
HannahSDavis HannahSDavis 18-21, F Jan 29, 2012

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