The Old Me... If There Ever Was One...

I can't remember having any real emotion when I was younger. It seems like life never started until middle school. I had friends in middle school. Memories that were actually worth remembering. But now in highschool, I'm not so sure.
Nothing is happy anymore. Not just happy. Everything is either mostly pain or all pain. I can't be happy without pros and cons to be attatched. And so far the cons outweigh the pros.
Before middle school I can't remember much. I was a C,D student. I had no friends. I hated my little brother. My older brother avoided being in trouble which often meant avoiding us. My older sister was always gone. Mom was always working. Dad was only around to punish us. I guess after a while I learned to block the memories.
I want that. So bad, I just want to forget. I want there to be nothing. I've experienced nothingness. And pain. All I can say is that nothingness is extremly under-rated. But at the same time overrated. Every song I've heard talks about how pain is better then no feeling at all. For me it's not that bad. I would rather be a nothing then a somebody. Maybe thats what I want to be when I grow up. A nothing.
hurts2much hurts2much
18-21, F
Aug 4, 2010