Will It Ever End

I'm sick of myself I'm sick of my life I'm sick of letting everyone down I'm nothing but a burden. More than anything I want to be a great mom if only I could just be a wonderful mom then maybe I could find some peace some happiness, but I'm a horrible mom because of this depression. I'm stuck inside myself and I don't know how to escape. I don't want to die though I want to get better I just want to get better. How will I ever be a good mom if I can't escape this pain. I feel weak like if I have no control over it, it controls me. I hate myself for who I am. my kids deserve better than I've given them. How do I get better? They're growing up and soon will realize how messed up their mommy is. How do I explain what's wrong? sometimes I think I feel absolutely nothing but really its because I've lost the ability to feel any type of pleasure. I only feel pain. It hurts. It physically hurts. Please God take it away. I'm beyond ashamed of myself for who I am and I can barely face anyone besides my parents and even they are hard to be around. What are they thinking of me.... What's wrong with me, why I am so pathetic, when am I going to grow up.... I know I'm a burden to them, not only financially but also emotionally because I know they worry about me. I'm sure they wish I'd grow up and get out of their house. I wish I could be normal. Wish I could fix myself. Wish the pain would go away. I'm tired of hurting.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 17, 2013