The Bouncing Leg

The sleepless nights, the depression, irritability, misery, the knowledge of how badly I need this, want this, want to quit. Yet for some reason I always have another one.

That is really the key, no? Not smoking again?

I know there is an end to this. I know that within 3 weeks time, I will never want to smoke again. I have done this before. This time however, my husband was going to work for 9 days straight. As I realize i am a real b*tch when I quit,  I decided upon a 7-day vow of silence to make life easier on him. Stupid, stupid, stupid... Stubborn as I am I cannot break this vow. However it has cut me off for 4 days from all of my friends and family, and I am no less bitchy, just quiet. Hubby is no more tolerant of my moods than he would be if I was speaking. Yet I must drag this stupid idea out for another 3 days...

I know I am whining. I am just so isolated right now from everyone and everything I am willing to bare my neck to total strangers.

And the FRUSTRATION, god, it has not even been 24 hours since my last cigarette and I am freaking. I think it is only natural, but I wish this frustration would just leave...

I have been sitting at a local coffeeshop all day because I cannot go home. That is where the cigarettes are. Home, I have also noticed, is a trigger for me as well. If I go home I will smoke. But I have to go home sometime....

pyrefly pyrefly
22-25, F
3 Responses Oct 8, 2009

2 months and counting!!

Hi pyrefly<br />
what a battle! Only do it once! At least that way it it worth it. Like you say after 15 days the craving goes away and you have done the worst part.<br />

I quit smoking! 6 days now. Hubby had to quit with me, though, or it wouldn't have stuck.