The Doors To My Parlour Are Now Open...

I've been around (at EP) since 2008 and I think I am a bit of a relationship "expert". I have Cerebral Palsy and use a wheelchair. I have loved, been dumped (the current count is five strikes), laughed and had some amazing sex. I've also cried a lot, had horrendous times and managed to survive. I am also a BDSM Dominant and pansexual (attraction to any gender). I currently have no partner and am involuntarily celibate (it is difficult, but not permanent).

So, in this, my 35th year, I offer my life and love experiences to you.

Fire away! Almost any question about body issues, respect, love, sex, commitment and even tough personal issues will be answered in my own unique way. Please note that I will not deal with ****** or rape fantasy questions.

If it's a long question, please post it as a story so I don't miss it.

Thanks in advance (my inbox is open if you wish for discretion, but sharing could help others).

So... take a seat and ask me anything. *grin*
TheWomanWhoDid TheWomanWhoDid
6 Responses Jan 22, 2013

Thanks for your story! I'm an amputee but still enjoy many things. Erotic, philosophy, or just about anything except maybe politics!? Look over my profile and see if we could be friends. Thanks


I have never had the "standard issue" relationships. Either in my friendships and certainly not in my sexual relationships. I am now entering my 50s and I fear I have a rather warped view of intimacy. I have trouble seperating intimacy from intensity. Can one exist without the other?


Dear g,
Intimate relations to Me are things that are not known to others. The brand and shade of your Lady's lipstick or how she smells straight from a bath. Intensity is the sound of her voice across a room or her stilettos on hardwood floors. City states illicit emotion but in different ways. Exclusivity is possible, but some prefer an enmeshed bond.
Thank you for asking.

My phone disobeyed, I had meant to write "These states..."

Thank You for Your kind consideration. Perhaps it is my definitions that are skewed. You have given me more to ponder.


Not to take away from the thread, but...
*hands TWWD a wet spaghetti noodle* Now threaten your phone with it and maybe it will behave!


2 More Responses

TRW I have a question for YOU if ya don't were gone so long! Why the long absence? You're a veteran here. I'm glad you're back! :D

Hi Kittychanel....the answer's here. x I missed this place!

oh! ok..ty

I bn wit him 8+ yrs he don't touch me cuddle make love nothing , I don't exist unless he wants a bit once in a blue moon , he drinks 3 boxes of beer a week and smokes pot , he gets so pissed he will pee wherever his pissed body takes him, sex is boring, passionless, broken promises, me changing bn easier to change than to hurt by remaining the same, I don't give affection unless I am given a response so I kno it will b welcome, I beg for love, to choose me instead of drinking, he promises to try, I go on another day, he is the father of my kids, I feel obligated to them to stay, I'm not a beaten wife or anything like that, just a woman whose dreams of bn loved n cherished r fighting with her common sense that her dreams r just that, silly tales read in romance books,
So this brings me to my question
I think about offering myself as a submissive (if I knew even where to look) (naive in that sense I guess) am I bn silly?
I see myself as a possible sub coz a dominant seems to have a need to posess, n sumtimes possession is love, I hate myself n maybe if I'm lucky I'd find a dominant that actually cherished me
Lmfao that sounds stupid just writing it
I blame that dumb book series 50 shades of grey, since reading it I have become more than curious about it, but can u tell me am I dreaming again to think there is a Christian grey for me?

First off, thank you for trusting my counsel. You are in a very tough position. Emotional abuse is one of the worst things a human being can endure, Your husband seems to be lost in the grip of addiction and you sound like an honest, loving and sweet wife and mother. You should cherish yourself.
Put down the pop culture (EL James wrote "Fifty Shades..." as a Twilight fan-fiction at first called "Master of the Universe" under her pen name snowqueenicedragon) and realise that Christian Grey and his 'power' over Anastasia is a fiction. Whilst the FSoG trilogy opened women up to the thought of submission, it is an awful illustration of the Lifestyle. A true Dom/sub relationship has everyone knowing and agreeing to all activities and rules. A loving and caring Dom does not put his sub under such duress. If you think you may have a submissive nature, I would not explore it until you sort out your pain in your marriage. You are beautiful and worthy of love and protection. If your husband is serious about changing, he has professional help at hand and you -need- to encourage him to seek it. Recognise that you should never have to beg for love and it is given freely, by a good husband or a protective Dominant.

I am listening, inbox me.

You are a brave lady...; )

Oh, I know... but enjoy helping people. :)

That's why you're amazing...

But brave. This *is* EP after all.

Bring it ON!

You are indeed brave, TheWomanWhodid :)

1 More Response

I got one: I have troubles with finding 'stimulation' pleasurable, I by now know where it comes from: I can barely get physically aroused, while there's nothing wrong with my ability to get mentally aroused, all of this is probably linked to a traumatic sexual past.
Any tips to well, not hate everything related to sex, oh wise one? :-)

Ah, I am an abuse survivor (*sigh*) and I think our bodies are even moreso linked to emotion than some other people. I think sex is about being open and sharing as friends on an emotional level as well as a physical. The one and only time I had sex with a stranger, we spoke for hours before hand. Afterward, I made a new connection. I know....sometimes you just want the physical rush of lust, but even then, respect is top.

Thank you for asking. x

I was actually more thinking about ehm... ************, for starters. :-p
Personally I think that's the first step in regaining a somewhat positive connection with my body and sexuality.
So I was kinda asking for tips about that *blush*.

Oh I see, sorry for the misunderstanding. In that case, I think the focus at first should be just on knowing the curves of your body with flat palms and not feeling shy about thinking you have a nice figure, Maybe close your eyes first and explore top to toe, using all senses... and then get bolder.

Hmm, sounds fair, I can't relax usually, I don't like my body... that's something that should change, that I want to change.

Can I jump in here? Even though it's not my question? I don't like my body do you change that, when you look at perfection in every magazine, and see every flaw? How do you accept what is, and not focus on what is not?

To elaborate on onceandfutureglow: I personally don't look for perfection, I just don't want to feel inferior anymore.
I'm so used to people finding my looks disgusting or not worthy that I'm often ashamed because of it, not only towards other people, but also towards myself.

I think the answer to this issue would help A LOT of women, if there even is an answer.
How to love yourself when what you see, feel and 'feel' (with your heart, not your hands) repulses you and is an utter turn-off, when trying to 'be busy with yourself'?

I don't have a perfect body but it's mine...and some people have treated it very reverently. I have learned that the body is a beautiful vessel to be proud of (even if mine has tiny breasts, quick growing body hair and funny jerks). Your body carries you through life, without it, it's very difficult to connect. I think that's why my exes in Long distance ended it, they couldn't touch and caress.

I wish I could wave a wand for you Scar and make you feel better about yourself because you are indeed beautiful. I can imagine your past factors in a good deal so that is an additional challenge. Have you tried a pocket rocket? I should buy stock in's that fabulous. ;-)

Oh, good point, RedRubies.... a waterproof friend in a warm bath in non erogenous zones to start... perfect for relaxing the body and mind.

They come waterproof?! *runs to buy one* ;-)

Ruby to the rescue! :-p

Your timing is awesome my stroopwafel, I just ordered a few toys online tonight, one of them is a multi-functional vibrator. :-)
I think it's not waterproof and I don't have a bathtub, so that's off the table, but new toys, trying to not make it about sex but relaxation and just -finally- commit to tackle this issue, is a good plan.

I'm just so sick of it all, I really want to have my own sexuality and I feel this is the time to really start working on that.

Sc, my darling.... I think you are beautiful, embrace the gentle power you have and enjoy the journey.

AH, stroopwafel! I'm so glad. Not sure which one you ordered, but my standby is "Doc Johnson The Original Pocket Rocket' . Maybe order off of eBay or Amazon... where I live they are about 60 dollars in store compared to 20 - 25 on eBay (I mean... really...??) So maybe that helps a bit!

I bought a ponytail plug (I wanted a prettier one, preferably something that looks like a real ponytail, but that's near impossible within my budget, so I bought a more standard one, it 17 or 18 euro cheaper than the exact same ones in other shops ^^), new fishnet stockings (I left my old ones at my ex's :-( ), a small basic plastic vibrator with a cute design (red roses) and that multifunctional vibrator that doubles as a clitmassager. :-)

So yeah, I've got the tools (I hope!), that's at least something, haha.

Annnnnd Scar is ready for the weekend!! ^-^

:) Good job!!

Hey Scar, there is actually a book out there that pertains specifically to ************ and arousal. It was written by of all things a Madame here in the states. It is an older book, right around the time Kinsey, and Masters and Johnson published. I will rack my brain and the internet for the name of it. The book is geared towards one building up their self image, minimizing the stress one has from a traumatic past, etc to be able to get mental and physically aroused while maintaining it long enough to reach and have ******. Oh damn, now I am going to go insane looking for it. I will let you know if I find it!

Thanks for the recommendation, SunniL!

Thanks Sunni! If you find the title: I do hope it's available here. :-)

I will keep looking until I find it. I actually used to own it, but I lost a bunch of stuff when I divorced and the book may have been in that loss :P Also, a few main boxes never made it onto the moving truck when I moved to Texas. So glad one of sisters was the one who filtered through that stuff and not a parental unit!

Look up books by Xaviera Hollander. If I remember right, (ya like we are going to trust my memory right?) Look at the book called "Xaviera's Supersex: Her Personal Techniques for Total Lovemaking". I think that is the one that has the chapter in it I am referring to. I will keep poking around though!

Thanks! :-) I'm going to check if it's available around here. Importing books from the US is ridiculously expensive, so I won't do that.
Shipping costs should never be more than the thing you're buying.

You should be able to get it :)

My package came in the mail today and gosh, that's one dissappointing ponytail! :-o
The rest of the items are just fine, but the ponytail plug I ordered isn't worthy of the name "tail".
If I can get cosmetic surgeryplan back on track somehow (financial blow to the head, might turn out lethal), I'm going to give that thing freaking extentions! :-p

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