Stumbling And Falling Over Again And Again...

I am a Christian.
I believe in Jesus Christ with all my heart, my sould, my mind. For me there is no doubt that there is a God, that Jesus really lived and died for our sins. I believe that we were created in 6 days. I love God.

But being a Christian is not that easy. I live in a place where you really, really have to search to find a true Christian. I have many things that I need to change to become a better Christian, if any one is interested I have listed them below.

"1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."
Oh yeah, awesome let me think. My friends are all either sexually immoral, greedy, drunkard slanderer, idolater and swindler or even all of the above. I wish I could be more in the company of Christians because that would already help alot! I was on a 'study abroad' thing for a whole year once where I became a Christian and had almost only Christian friends and it was nice and awesome and so much easier being a Christian. But now every thing that I do is looked upon. People call me crazy, brain washed and what not. I have discussions about God and the Bible almost daily and as soon as I run out of arguments, because excuse me I am only 20 and do not have a theological degree, it is clear to everyone that I am an idiot and believe in the wrong thing. I am sick and tired of defending myself and not always having the right arguments, not having every bible verse in my brain, not having every scientific explanation ready.

I had to install a web-safety programm on my computer to stop me from looking at **** because I couldn't do it with God's help, because I couldn't accept his help to get me out of it. And still I do sometimes disable this software (I installed it, I have the password, maybe I should just throw it away).

I used to go to church every Sunday, now I don't. It took me almost 2 years to finally find a church where I felt comfortable and where they taught the things I believed in. It's a church for english speaking people (so my native language is not english). But even since than it's hard to attend this church because it is almost an hour away and I have to find a way to get there and because of one of my hobbies I barely have time on Sunday. Last time I have been to church was like a month ago, I don't think anyone in there knows my name.

I don't read my bible daily anymore. I used to do it and it was nice. I had my private half and hour or longer with God every evening. Now I often just forget it and I feel bad for it.

I don't pray as often anymore. I have to remind me to pray before eating, which btw is hard enough, b/c I can't do it openly b/c my parents don't approve and everyone in my friend circle doesn't approve either. I have become a master in praying secretly, but I don't do it as often as I should.

I recently met someone that could potentially become my first boyfriend. We cuddled alot and kissed and I even played with the thought of sleeping with him, trying to find an excuse why pre-martial sex is okay, then almost slapping myself for having such thoughts. Thinking about him I hate being a Christian, because I know that I will loose him, if I stay true to God.

What I really want to do is go back to the place where I became a Christian. There I had the necessary support from friends and family to go through this world. But I had to leave way to early, way to unprepared to face this judgmental and cruel world. I wish I could change. I wish I could accept him more into my life. I wish I could become a better Christian again.

Fallacia Fallacia
18-21, F
6 Responses Jul 26, 2010

I think you might find my story helpful, and challenging.

Fallacia <br />
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Notfooledbyyou, made such great comments they are truly inspired. I am 55 and I concur with them. I have never been perfect, I try and I try hard but I am human. There are times I slip and fall and I feel comfort in knowing God is with me all the time to help me in spite of myself. Non-believers are quick to make fun of us, quick to tell us we are being foolish. Ignore them, follow your heart and pray for your friends.<br />
Know at all times God is a loving God and will always be there for you

Dear friend, i really feel for you,sincerely my heart bleeds. The Bible tells us in 2nd Corinthians Chapter 6 verse 14 : Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, what fellowship hath light with darkness. you are under pressure but dont yield. God cannot change his word not even for you, He said heaven and earh would pass away but not a jot or title of his word will pass away.<br />
I know its not easy but you must hold on, i gave my life to christ over ten years ago, my family didnt even believe in salvation, by the grace of God they are now saved.<br />
God can use you as a vessel to save your friends and colleagues, for God to use you, you must be Holy and this entails abstinence from sin. You have to be prayerful also.<br />
I recommend this site for you Try it and you would see what great spiritual blessings awaits you.

Thanks for those awesome and encouraging comments!

Thank you for having the courage to share your thoughts and feelings with us. I believe that "becoming a better Christian" is a lifelong journey. You are so very young. I will turn 50 this year and am currently studying to become an ordained minister. I have fallen away and turned my back on Christ more times than I'd like to admit. Guilt and shame were the factors that kept me away. We are human and God knows us inside and out. I believe that, rather than engaging in ideology with your friends and family, just follow your heart as it pertains to obeying God's direction. We are not perfect nor are we without sin. God knows that you are fighting the good fight in attempting to rid your life of willful sin. God's will will either keep your friends in your life or not. HE always will do what is best for you as you come to HIM in faithful prayer. Please go easy on yourself. We are doing the best we can based upon our limited knowledge at this time in our lives. More will be revealed. The world needs wonderful Christians like you. God Bless

Maybe it's not easy being a Christian when your parents do not approve. God wants the best for you, and he knows your boyfriend inside out. If he doesn't like him, don't go for the first thing you like. The next boy that comes along might be a lot better. It's easy to go for someone nice and sweet just because you were never treated that well. <br />
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Maybe you should ask God what he wants for you in your life. I struggled with a lot of questions myself, and I don't have any support at home, even though my parents are Christians, too. On her deathbed, my grandmother and aunt both gave their lives to Christ at the last moment. It was worth it, but how sad to live their whole lives not really knowing God or being able to talk to him and not understanding or believing the Bible that much. It was really sad, and the whole family cried about it.