My LifeMy Life From Beginning To End
From the time I can remember I was different. That is different from all the other boys. I didn't like toys other boys played with or any kind of sports. I always loved playing with dolls. I liked soft feminine things. Dresses, bubble baths, silk undies my long curley hair put up in pony tails. Everything that made up a girl. The only girls I knew were mother, grand mother and aunt Mae. Mother tried several times to turn me back in to a boy, but it was all in vein. Then aunt Mae came to the rescue. She opened a whole new world. A new delicious life.
My parents taught my to respect them and others. I was told to call them mother and father. Also to say yes sir, Mam or no sir or Mam. They said, to call them mom and dad was being disrespectfull. They are from the old school. Now a dying breed.
My mother needed to find love. A love of her own. So she could feel fullfilled. Then she could love others, including me. She had love from the start. Grand mother and grand father showed her love along with her other sisters and brother. Then she got love from father. Then to have it yanked from her so quickly? This was devistating to her.
I guess from the beginning I needed the love of a father. At least that is what the psychiatrists say is wrong with me. They do not believe in someone being born in the wrong body, sexually that is.
Mother tried to give me love but the love I needed she could not give me. Then, one day I found love. A love so special, so innocent so beautiful it would be with me the rest of my life. But it also was to be torn from me so quickly and savagely and as fast as it came. I will never ever find a love again like this. I will never know love again.. ......only in my heart & dreams. I was left with an aching that will never again have filled.........
Mother was so beautiful. I guess everyone thinks their mother is beauitful. My mother was esspecially beauiful on her wedding day. Mother was married on her 20th birthday. She wore a hand made snow white gown that sparkled like diamonds in the sunshine. It had a 4 foot long train. It came with a vail she wore over her face. Until the part where the priest said to father "you may kiss the bride". I was told the kiss lasted 2-3 minutes.It lasted so long people began to squirm in their seats. Father was a sergant in the Army and proudly wore his uniform with all of his ribbons and metals.
Exactly 9 months and 2 days after the wedding on November 10th. I was born. The doctors had told my mother and father long before I was born I would be a healthy girl. So my parents went out and bought a lot of dresses, shoes, socks, booties and everything else. Everything I would need as a young girl. They also bought diapers, and diaper pins, baby powder but no formula. I was to be breast feed. Mother was stern on that fact. She wanted me to be a strong healthy girl. Father insisted there was to be No washing of diapers for mother, it was deemed unsanitary around a baby. Father contracted a diaper service to do that. My father and mother could afford the best then.
It wasn't long after father got back from Europe (WWII) things started to go bad. Father had gotten a Purple Heart for saving 4 men from his squad. It seems a German had thrown a granade at his men who were in a fox hole. Father seen it and rushed over and threw the granade back at the Germans. Only one thing wrong. The granade blew up just after father threw it back. Some of the shrapnel flew back and hit father in the head. The doctors would not operate because some of the shrapnel was to close to his brain. While father was recuperating they gave him 2 weeks leave in Austrailia. From what his CO said in his letter father partied. When father came home it was not long before mother and father started to argue, father started to drink.
One day Mother cradeled me in her arms, while she was crying. We went to see grand mother. She only lived across town. Grand mother told me how much she loved me. She told me every day, even when I got older. I loved her too.One day when mother was talking to grand mother and I was playing on the floor near them, mother started to cry and said " Mother I am going to divorce my husband Because he came back from Austrailia with a venereal disease the syphylis". I was about 3 then. I didn't know what she was talking about at that time. Later my younger brother Timmy was born. A couple of months later father just disappeared. All the money they had disapeared with father. This left us without any money. Mother knew then she had to go to work.
She soon found a job as a cashier with a large super market chain. The store manager thought mother was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.This included his wife and mother. He hired her on the spot.The only problem was there was no one to watch my brother and I. Mother finally asked her younger sister Mae. Mae agreed to help. Grand mother would take this time to go and see her other daughter Grace. Mother then remembered about my being feminine. She hesitated to say anything to aunt Mae. She kept thinking that something was wrong with me. (She just didn't want to tell anyone). The reason being I didn't like the things other boys liked, toy trucks, sports, things like that. I liked dresses and dolls instead. I liked to dress dolls and comb their hair. When I got the chance I would dress in mothers silk panties. One day I even wore mothers bra. I noticed she had taken it off and put in to the dirty clothes hamper so I got it and put it on.. When she seen me she became upset and took it off of me and tenderly spanked me. She was not smiling either. She said "My little angel never to do this again, please. Only girls wear these kind of clothes". She tried not to make a fuss over it.
Please and thank you were the words of the day, everyday.
Monday thru Friday mother would to get ready for work. She would sit in front of her vanity in her bedroom which had a large mirror. She would sit there and put her stockings on and cip them to her garter belt, both stockings. Then she would put her panties on. She would then slide her skirt on . Next she would put her blouse on and button it. She would turn around and start to put her make up and lip stick on. That is what little she needed. I would anxiously watch her with wide opened eyes. At first she would smile and put a little make up and lip stick on me too. I would tell her proudly "now mother I'm as beautiful as you are". But, after the little insodent with the bra she never again put make up or lip stick on me. This devistated me and left me heart broken. Every night for weeks I would cry myself to sleep. Mother would come into my room and ask "My little angel what's wrong"? I would be crying and always say "nothing mother". Mother tried everything she knew to stop me from being feminine and doing feminine things. She would say, "Your are my little angel boy and boys don't play with dolls or dress dolls up. I didn't say anything but I always kept thinking about it. I couldn't help it. It was already inside of me. And I liked it. It seemed to make me....ME.
One saturday I was just going around the house looking for something to do. When I accidentally found a closet full of dresses, shoes everything I could ever want as a girl. Mother would never throw anything away. I tried the dresses on one after the other. I was in heaven. Just then mother came in and seen me in a dress. I smiled and said " look mother I'm as pretty as you?". She bent down next to me and started to cry, and saying " You are my very pretty little angel, but you must never go into this closet again, please promise me". Even though I did not want to, I promised her. I loved my mother.So much so I wanted to be just like her.
It came time for aunt Mae to start watching Timmy and Me. One day while my aunt Mae was looking after timmy I found some of her old dolls and asked her if I could play with them. She asked me why I liked to play with dolls and not boys' things? I said "I dont know I just want to". She asked me what else I liked. I said "I liked to dress dolls in dresses, curl their hair and mine too. I liked to wear silk panties and everything else girls do"."Because I am a girl". When aunt May heard this she smiled kind of nice at me. Her smile brought a rush of warm feelings to my body. Feelings I had never felt before. When she would come close to me I could smell her beautiful female aroma. She smelled so good I wanted to smell just like her. But I was afraid to ask her.
I thought to myself Mother would never talk to me like this.
It happened about 2 weeks later, it was after our lunch aunt Mae told my younger brother Tim go and to lay down on the livingroom couch for a nap like she normally did. She said "Timmy there is a pillow and a blanket on the couch for you honey". She told me to go up stairs and go to the bathroom and do what I neeeded to do to make myself comfotable. Then, I was to wash my bathroom parts good, rinse and dry them. I was to leave my clothes in the bathroom. Then go into her bedroom. I did as I was told. But when I got to her room she was waiting for me. I again smelled the wonderful aroma of her still not knowing where it came from. She smiled and said "I have something very special and pretty for you Suzzette". It didn't hit me at the time she called me, Suzzette. She had laid on the bed the most beautiful pink lace dress with matching silk and lace panties. There was a pair of (skin colored) thigh high silk stockings with a seam up the back of them. Along with a small pink 4 garter, garter belt. There were also a pair of open toed pink 3 inch high heel shoes. Next to the dress there was a pair of elbow length pink gloves and a beautiful bonnet and matching hand bag. I looked in the hand bag and there was a pair of beautiful earings with matchig necklace and arm bracelet. I looked at her and said in a burst of tears, "they are the most beautiful things I had ever seen, thank you". She kissed me tenderly on the lips, wiped my tears with her tongue and said "try them on sweet heart". "These are yours now Suzzette with many more to come'. There was that name again. "I am going to show you how to become a loving lesbian. A love maker to women". It took me a while to learn how to put all these wonderful things on so she helped me and I finally got everything on. I felt so glorious and wonderful.
All that was left was to put my lipstick on. Maybe a spray of her aroma? After dressing she noticed that my "winkie" had gotten hard. She smiled and spoke sexy lesbian things very softly while gently rubbing it. While she was talking she wet her middle finger and slowly inserted it into my anus, She called it my "special lesbian vagina". After a minute or two my body shook and spasmed and my winkie exploded all over her hands and face. She smiled and licked her hands off and all that was on her face, that she could get. She put every drop into her lovely mouth and smiling swallowed it. She finished me by sucking my winkie until it was completely empty and clean. She then kissed me and I told her "You are so wonderful and beautiful". I felt so good. A new world had opened for me. A world in which I knew I belonged in, Forever.
By now the day was almost over. Aunt Mae said I could wear my new dress but I was to stay up stairs for 30 minutes then get undressed. I felt so wonderful and so complete for those 30 minutes. I twirled and danced until I had to get undressed. I hung everything up. When I was done aunt Mae came into the room and kissed me so very tenderly on the lips. At the end of the kiss she opened her mouth and slowly but tenderly put her dancing toungue into my mouth.This was something strange and new to me. I liked it. When we were finally exausted she said to me "what we lesbians do here is not to be told to anyone. Not even your mother or grand mother". I happily agreed. She also said "Suzzette we lesbians can never kiss or touch each other in front of anyone either". There was that name again. The next day was Saturday. Mother did not have to work on the week ends. I could not wait until Monday. But I had to.
Monday came and I could hardly wait to get to grand mothers and aunt Mae's house. When we finally got there I jumped out of the car and ran into her house. Grand mother had already left for aunt Graces' house. I jumped into her arms and kissed her on the mouth. Oh know, I forgot. No kissing when anyone was around. But mother had not reached the house yet, I was ok. Lunch time finally got here. I ate fast and smiled at my aunt Mae. She smiled back and gave her head a nod towards the upstairs. This meant I was to go to the bathroom, do what I had to and after meet her in her bedroom.
I did a quick job and ran into her bedroom naked. She was already waiting for me. This time she was not dressed in her regular clothes but in a sheer blue nighty that went only to her hips. She also had matching panties, garter belt, stockings and 4 inch blue open toed high heels. Just like mine. She was so beautiful. My mouth began to get moist. I told her so. She smiled kissed me very tenderly. This time her tongue went deeper into my mouth and danced around. She quickly helped me get dressed, and said, "lay next to me on the bed Suzzette". "You are old enough now to learn the ways to having a great and fullfilling time. You will soon become a lesbian". She also said "when you are at my house you are Suzzette". I soon fell in love with her and my new name. A name I would always remember.
When I got settled on the bed next to her she slowly turned and smiled. She bent her head down slowly and kissed me. This time both our mouths opened and we kissed. When we finished with the kiss our mouths were frothing she asked "how was that"? I thought WOW I was drained of almost all my energy. She laughed and said I have a surpise for you Suzzette. She opened up the front of her silk nighty. I could see Her beauitfully propotioned breasts. Breasts that came out and up to a point. She had very large pink areolas. Larger than the size of silver dollars. I was stunned. She seen me in my dilema. She gently and skillfully put her hands behind my head and under my chin and pulled me to her. When my head finally reached her breast I suddenly opened my mouth and began to suckel and move my tongue around her nipples. This was how to make love to her tender yet delicious breasts. Her nipples began to get hard and this made me some how enjoy it more. She started to moan it came from deep within her. Her hips began to rotate and rub on my knee. I moved to her other breast. Then, by instinct I went back and forth on both breasts. After a while with out knowng why and without her hands helping me. I started to kiss and lick her stomach and moved down. Her aroma began to get stronger. When I reached her silk panties her crotch was soaked and dripping with her sweet honey juices. The aroma of her sent me into heaven. I knew then I had to taste her. She started to take her panties off. I looked at her and she was smiling. I don't know how or why but I knew what to do. I put my mouth between the wet juicy lips of her vagina. The aroma went into my nose and then into my head. I started to lap her honey juices. Then I had to gulp, there was so much. I didn't mind. She tasted so good. I tried to put my tongue all the way to her back. It wasn't long enough. So I satisfied myself with a little button that was on top of her honey juices. Every time I sucked on it aunt Mae would come off the bed and scream. I did this several times. I loved aunt Mae and I wanted to make her happy. Afterwards I decided to try and stick my tongue all the way back one more time.
Just then a strange and wonderful taste came into my mouth. My head started to spin. I also found her little button again and started to lick and suck on it. Aunt Mae went crazy. Her whole body started to shake and shutter. This time her body bent in two backwards and she came up and out of the bed. With both her hands behind my head it was all I could do to breath. My nose, tongue and mouth was pressed tightly inside of her honey pot with all that deliciously wonderful aroma and honey. Seconds later she again started to shake and shudder and then screamed once, twice and then a third time. She then went limp and let go of the death grip she had on my head. I started to cry, and said "I thought I hurt you, You are my one only love". She smiled and pulled my head to her heaving breasts. She said " Suzzette, don't cry. You were and always will be wonderful". She told me to wipe the blood from my face. I looked but I couldn't find where I had hurt or scratched my face? I did find out until years later where the blood came from.
We were both virgins.
After we rested a minute or two we started to kiss like before. Our lips came together and her tongue went deep into my mouth and again danced like a happy fairy with over sized wings. I welcomed it. It didn't take but a second for my "winkie" to get hard again. She noticed it and started to rub it gently as before. After we kissed for what seemed an hour she slowly broke the kiss and turned her body so her head was towards my feet. she started to lick my winkie, then she put my whole winkie in her mouth. It almost didn't fit. She started to choke. But she ended up with it all in her mouth. Her mouth was so moist and warm. I could feel every time she swallowed. It felt so different but it felt so wonderful too. I looked at her, she winked at me. I knew what to do. I went to her sweet smelling honey pot again. This time I did it without hesitation. I did it with a longing that was deep within me, and I knew what to do. It wasn't long and we both came to a mind shattering climax. Both our bodies shook in similar convultions we both seen the stars. At least I think they were all the stars of all the constillations all at once all lite up and twinkling. When we were done she held me in her arms and told me "Suzzette girls don't have winkies". "But, you are special" "Yours was not supposed to be that long. Yours was supposed to be short snd look like mine. Something happened and you ended with this. That's all right. We can do until you get older then we will have it taken care of". I couldn't wait for that day. I looked at my pretty dress, it was all messed up and wrinkled. She seen me and said "don't worry I will have it looking like new for tomorrow" and smiled. We had enough time for one more sweet tasting and glorious session.
When mother came to pick us up I was smiling and holding on to one of aunt Mae's hands. Tim was holding on to the other hand. Aunt Mae kissed me on the fore head and then she kissed Timmy. All of a sudden I started to get mad. Aunt Mae noticed this and smiled and whispered in my ear "its all right, It was just a friendly kiss on the cheek". I cooled down.
The lesbian love making went on for almost 4 years. One day I was laying on top of aunt Mae, we had just finished making love. We were both completely wore out. I still had my tongue in her honey hole. I did not want to ever take it out. But she asked me to get on top of her and kiss her like a lesbian would do. Aunt Mae had again shown me how two women made sappho love. She showed me that I had a hole too only it was farther back then hers, smaller and round.
The Endof it all !
Mother came to pick us up 2 hours early one day. She had gotten sick with a cold I think. Her boss told her to go home and come back in a few days when she felt better. Mother came in the front door and seen Tim sleeping on the couch. She didn't see me and got worried. She called but no one answered. She looked all over the main floor. She even looked in the cellar where I had been found once playing with the coal for the furnace She then come up stairs this was the last place to look. Neither one of us heard mother calling down stairs or even when she came up stairs. I was laying on top of aunt Mae in my pretty pink and by now wrinkled dress and stockings. My panties and one of my high heels had fallen off on to the floor. I told aunt Mae how much I loved her. I told her it came from in here. I pointed to my heart. (I did not know where the heart was at that age).I started to cry because my love hurt so much. Just then mother came into the room. Her mouth fell open. She could not believe her eyes. She screamed at the top of her lungs for me to get off of aunt Mae and get dressed. I started to cry again. I didn't know what was happening? It all happened so fast . I was taking the dress and stockings off when I over heard mother telling aunt Mae what a rotten and terrible sister she was. "I should have you thrown in jail for what you are doing to my son". "Did you do this to Timmy too," mother said? "No, But I love Suzzette and she loves me." aunt Mae said. "Who is Suzzette" mother asked? "It's not my son you are talking about. Is it"? This was the last time I ever saw my lovely and loving Aunt Mae. For about 4 more days mother worked, grand mother watched Timmy and I. This made it easy for me to call aunt mae. I told her how much I loved her and missed her. She asked me if I just missed our play time? I said " no, I love and miss you. With all the love that I have inside of me someplace here" (heart). She said she loved me too. She told me that it is very special for someone my age to know, feel and be able to be in love and be able to make love as a woman.
Mother quit her job and we moved to California. Just the three of us. No one knows it but I still have that lace dress, garter belt, seamed stockings, panties and high heels. I don't know how it happened but aunt Maes' sheer blue panties were in with my things. Every once in a while when I am alone I will open my shoe box.
I keep them and every so oftrn i pick them up and put my face in them. I can still smell her aroma and taste her sweet honey. It gets me excited and I have an "accident". I guess I always will.
Aunt Mae where are you? I need you. Please come to me. I love you. I will Forever and ever......... Suzzette, was is and always will be my name. Forever and ever...........So help me God....
In respect for my aunt Mae I call myself solina now.