The Feeling Is Back AgainI have early memories of wishing that I was a girl, from when I was very very young, I wasn't really sure why that was, but I would think about it to myself at night in bed, almost all the time.
One day we moved to a new house and I was in grade school. Things changed for a while and I didn't think about being a girl for a long time, for whatever reason it just didn't cross my mind, for the longest time.
After a few years went by I thought I felt different, something wasn't quite right, but I didn't know what it could be, I fit in socially mostly because of my intelligence and natural charm, but I felt somehow insecure with myself, and with my body, but I didn't know what to do.
Pretty soon I started to notice boys, and discovered my attraction to them, but of course I mostly kept it to myself, to maintain my "image" it seems funny to me now, I've always wanted to be liked or at least accepted. By then I was in high school and my body was going through changes and one day I decided that I wanted to dress myself like a girl, by myself in my house while everyone else was away, and so I did it, and something about it just seemed right, and then I remembered when I was little, wanting to actually be a girl, and I stood there thinking I still do want to be a girl.
Later on in high school I started having sexual encounters with boys in my school, friends of mine who had gotten close to me and I had confessed to them that I liked them, and then I offered to give them a oral sex, on seperate occasions but regularly and eventually they got distant, not that I wanted anything of them I just wanted to be friends.
Then for a couple of years it was just a fantasy that I would play, dressing up like a girl from time to time, in my own home, but lately I started to think about it a lot, I mean its all I can think about, but I thought about it deeply and found that all these feelings I've had, the ones I've always had, it explains a lot about me, lots of personal things that I've always wondered about, and it makes sense to me now that I was always meant to be a girl, I mean it really seems like it to me, and I want to do the transition really badly, but I'm afraid of what it will do to my world, the way that I live and how others see me, I mean the people around me are mostly good open minded people, but I mean its a very hard decision to make, but my happiness is what's most important right? I shouldn't care what other people think about my decision, I do think its the right thing for me, anyways that's my story, it feels good to get it out.