I Want To Be A Girl

I have felt this way more and more over the last five or six years. I enjoyed cross dressing to ********** long before that ad would simulate playing the female part in sex even when I had only just begun to ********** (followed by self-recrimination and terror). But it's becoming more and more strong and it's coming to a head. At least it's out in the open for me - it's when you won't look at it yourself that it's worst. I've discovered three things in the last month: 1: I am somewhere on the spectrum between full-blown trangender and a very effeminate bisexual male, ie it's the female gender role and behaviours, and the liberation form masculinity permanently that I want, not to wear stockings (though I do love stockings!). 2: I'm very sexually submissive. I've loved BDSM stuff ever since I found out about it (by accident, by having a magazine article on the subject snatched out of my hands to a parental admonition: 'stop it, that's weird!' I wonder if my desire to be female is partly because if I were female my sexual tastes would make me incredibly desirable. I'm bi, by the way.) But only in the last seven years did I start acting out the submissive roles in BDSM at home, or fantasising about them. Before I assumed I was Dom, since I'm (biologically) male. And 3: T-girls are the nicest, most supportive and level-headed group of people I've ever met, bar none.

I'm married and there are children involved so this is very serious. I feel that I'm being carried along, rather than moving myself, and that I'm going to be coming out to someone in real life soon. I'd appreciate any advice, anybody who wants to chat or talk, or whatever really. I realize I'm applying for free psychotherapy here but I'm more than willing to provide the same in return, plus crack a joke or two. If I could be anyone I liked, I'd be the female version of myself, the girl I would have been if I'd been born biologically female. Except perhaps a little prettier. When I imagine myself in my perfect, post-transition life I'm not even all that different - I'd be happy with a B cup, I don't want to be ultrafeminine like a lot of crossdressers seem to, although I do like lingerie. If I was writing this post-transition I'd be wearing quite similar clothes, maybe more colour but I'll be a jeans and T-shirt kinda girl if I am one. That's one of the things that makes me think I really might be a transexual - males who dress female for kicks are notorious for camping things up to unimaginable heights. Yeah, I'd love to wear a thong and bustierre, miniskirt and heels... but not every day. Those things don't constitute my fantasy/wish, they're just a part of it.

I'm supposed to be growing a beard. I'd rather be shaving my legs. And looking for a place to have laser/electro on my facial hair.

And talking to a doctor about hormones. And shopping for clothes.

For real. Wouldn't this make you nervous?
RikkiB RikkiB
Sep 7, 2012