I Want to Be a Girl
If you saw me, you would see only the person that I am physically. I look like your usual heterosexual male, but that's not how I see myself or want others to see me.
I've known since I was about thirteen that I would prefer to be a girl, but it was nothing more than a preference at that time. I knew that the lifestyle of a girl would allow me to be more emotionally open and lighthearted but I dismissed those feelings as silly and nothing more than a fantasy. I didn't feel any desperate need to become female because I got along fine with boys and I had stereotypically 'male' hobbies such as playing videogames and watching football and people thought I disliked 'girly' things like shopping (I actually just hated mens' clothing). No one knew that I secretly wanted to just hang out with my female friends. My parents discouraged me from getting too close to girls until I was older and they showed an impolite interest in any girl I became friends with.
As I grew older, the feelings of wanting to become a girl remained but clearer. Every night I would wish that I would wake up as a girl but it seemed like an impossibility. I felt like I was going to live my life as a man no matter how much I hated it. I knew my ideal relationship would be being my female self in love with a beautiful girl. Playing the 'male' role in a relationship and in society didn't appeal to me at all.
The feeling that my wish would be impossible changed when I met a stunningly beautiful trans girl online who was around my age who told me her story and how she became a woman. The feelings of wanting to be a girl became stronger than ever as I felt transitioning was possible. For the first time, I felt completely trapped in my own body and I felt a powerful urge to become a woman. I began to educate myself on the process of transitioning (gender counselling, make-up, clothing, how women act, hormones etc.) and although I knew that I could do it and it seemed to realistic, I began to doubt wheter it was the best thing to do because I knew that my religious parents would never accept me as 'me'.
I don't know what I should do at the moment. I've been thinking about starting my transition when I go to university later this year, but the feelings have been getting stronger and I'm getting more desperate every day. I don't have anyone around me to help me by talking about it (I attend a boys' school, which probably isn't best for my mental health). I know I want to start cross dressing, just so I feel like I've made progress transitioning, but I'm scared about what would happen if anyone was to find out. I'm not sure what is the best thing to do at the moment. I don't have any female friends that can dress me up or give me a makeover and I don't know how my male friends will take it.
I feel completely lost and trapped, both in my own body and in society.
I've known since I was about thirteen that I would prefer to be a girl, but it was nothing more than a preference at that time. I knew that the lifestyle of a girl would allow me to be more emotionally open and lighthearted but I dismissed those feelings as silly and nothing more than a fantasy. I didn't feel any desperate need to become female because I got along fine with boys and I had stereotypically 'male' hobbies such as playing videogames and watching football and people thought I disliked 'girly' things like shopping (I actually just hated mens' clothing). No one knew that I secretly wanted to just hang out with my female friends. My parents discouraged me from getting too close to girls until I was older and they showed an impolite interest in any girl I became friends with.
As I grew older, the feelings of wanting to become a girl remained but clearer. Every night I would wish that I would wake up as a girl but it seemed like an impossibility. I felt like I was going to live my life as a man no matter how much I hated it. I knew my ideal relationship would be being my female self in love with a beautiful girl. Playing the 'male' role in a relationship and in society didn't appeal to me at all.
The feeling that my wish would be impossible changed when I met a stunningly beautiful trans girl online who was around my age who told me her story and how she became a woman. The feelings of wanting to be a girl became stronger than ever as I felt transitioning was possible. For the first time, I felt completely trapped in my own body and I felt a powerful urge to become a woman. I began to educate myself on the process of transitioning (gender counselling, make-up, clothing, how women act, hormones etc.) and although I knew that I could do it and it seemed to realistic, I began to doubt wheter it was the best thing to do because I knew that my religious parents would never accept me as 'me'.
I don't know what I should do at the moment. I've been thinking about starting my transition when I go to university later this year, but the feelings have been getting stronger and I'm getting more desperate every day. I don't have anyone around me to help me by talking about it (I attend a boys' school, which probably isn't best for my mental health). I know I want to start cross dressing, just so I feel like I've made progress transitioning, but I'm scared about what would happen if anyone was to find out. I'm not sure what is the best thing to do at the moment. I don't have any female friends that can dress me up or give me a makeover and I don't know how my male friends will take it.
I feel completely lost and trapped, both in my own body and in society.
By:
AndreaSparkle
Age:
18-21
,
Transgender
