I Have No Confidence In The Bedroom

I never had much confidence to begin with.. having been married for 14 yrs..he was my first and only.. and except for the first few years we did the same thing all the time, not much experimentation. This year my husband and I had sex 3 times.. he doesn't want to with me, he says.. 

So, I had an affair with a married man..we only met a few times. At first he found me hot, I was shy and modest and it was new experience for him, he was the second guy I ever kissed even..it was a big deal for me, .emotionally as well...  Well I was not relaxed when we had sex finally..but it was still very pleasant for me.. I enjoyed touching him and being touched..I don't know I guess he wanted something more fun...fast and furious with both of us having multiple *******..

I got the vibe he wasn't interested and asked him.. and he said it wasn't fun or spectacular or memorable.. ouch that still hurts..and we never met after..

I hope I can find someone who I can experiment with.. who would be willing to go slow.. and let me figure things out..are there guys like that out there..
geekgirl2010 geekgirl2010
36-40, F
13 Responses Dec 5, 2010

You have to make your husband feel sexually attractive and he has to make you feel sexually attractive. Make a deal, like for fun, that you will both say something like that to each other 3x a day. After a while you will both feel horny. Let it naturally escalate.

Be yourself at all times and if you have to, try some reading on the subject. You can learn a lot about how a mans body works and what please's them in bed. If you worry about pleasing them more than how nervous you are soon you won't be nervous at all. But be sure they return the favor and take care of you. Remember that most men when they meet you just want to get laid so they won't stick around long once you give it to them. If you want him to stick around don't hand it out until he is around long enough to get to know and like you. Don't give it to someone who does not care about you it carries a lot of baggage down the road as your feeling now. I have a belief system that works for me. I will not have sex until he has been around for a bit longer than a few dates. They either move on which tells me that was all they wanted in the first place so no loss to me or they become a very good friend or lover. I have found that men respect this and some of the men I have decided not to have sex with are still chasing me after four years. I am 63 years old and have men in their 40's and younger hitting on me. Which proves that our sex appeal is more about who we are rather than how tight our dress is. The loss is for the ones that don't stick around because I consider myself worth knowing as you should. Good Luck!

be yourself,we all need building up being put down destroys you,good luck .

human nature is the main ingredient for sex and as u have found people are unfathomable....as many of us find getting married is a disaster for the bedroom.....my wife did what ur husband did only it was after about 7 years....she hasnt touched me for decades.honest.true.she cant hide the fact she finds other men attractive and has done the dirty on me a few fleeting times....in ur case u r still young and do not have to put up with this as he may have a mistress and simply doesnt need to have sex with u anymore.....

Lady, most of sex... Good sex, is between the ears, not the thighs. It really helps to be accepting of yourself. Start by being comfortable with your own body. Take some time being alone nude. Find out what pleases you... I would suggest lightly using a vibrator and discovering that it IS ok for you to enjoy sexual intensity and ******. When you are comfortable with yourself you can start being comfortable with others.<br />
...just a thought

hhmmm yup alot still there of course you will not find it easy though but you will know when a guy admire you the momnet you went out or in the malls,supermarkets and when people feel awe just looking at you,having discreet relationship always a hard one but its worth when you try it i guess this days lots of people doing it for enjoyment and satisfaction.

I feel EXACTLY the same way! My husband and I have also had very few sexual experiences before getting married. On top of that we both have very low self-esteem when it comes to body image. This has resulted in a sexless marriage. Like I posted on another thred there has to be a solution.. A happy ending injust dont know what or how to get there.

I found this site really useful. It's a couple who have rated a whole load of the internet '****** guide's' which is pretty useful really for anyone looking for information/interested in purchasing a self help book etc! http://www.women-******.net

Hi,<br />
<br />
I found a video serious by a woman called Jaiya really helpful. You can download them easily. They aren't typical **** films, they are tasteful and instructional, I can highly recommend them.<br />
<br />
Who actually teaches this stuff to us? It's all trial and error and there is nothing wrong in wanting to excel for both yourself and your partner.<br />
<br />
That said, i have all the knowledge but my husband doesn't find it necessary to have sex with me on a regular basis, so maybe it's not that good after all? You can check out the website though and see a preview and see if you would find it helpful.<br />
<br />
Best wishes.

@Lucky71 That wasn't the purpose of the story. It was to find if there are guys who care enough to let a girl figure out what may/ may not work for her during sex. It was more about understanding from a guy's perspective.. and I am not looking on EP...

geekgirl are you saying that you are looking to have an affair ? If so i suggest have a long hard think about it. There are plenty of guys on EP and I'm sure many would be keen to provide you with what you are looking for.<br />
<br />
All my sincere best.

@capric what do you suggest?

I am sure there are. You just have to find them. Happy to give any suggestions.