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My Quest

There is more to my desire of being a great lover than just the physical art of sex. Sure I`d like to know all the right buttons to push, and posess the stamina/self control/physical endowments that are so much at the forefront of what many of us may imagine from an amazing lover.

These traits should be merely part of a complete package. What I would like to see from myself in this quest to be a great lover: Is to try and be more intuitive, patient, persuasive, to place as much emphasis on the romantic as there is upon the carnal.

I believe pride in yourself, your appearance, your manners and the way you carry yourself show a great respect for your partner and go a long way towards making a great lover.

There was a time when it was said that I was the posessor of many of the traits I now yearn once more to have in my grasp.

I was once enjoyed by woman as a figure of lust. I was sought after, as much for my gentle nature, humour, kindness and general appreciation of the beauty of the women, with who`s company I enjoyed, as much as for any physical attributes I had. As a younger man I had a lot to offer in that department as well.

Married life seems to eroded passion, and the years have taken there toll on my physical appearance to a degree. My wife and I are at odds over much in our shared life together, with one massive casualty being our love life.

I want more than anything to be the great lover of women that I once was. Not that I would ever contemplate having an affair, but I would be lying if I wasn`t to admit that I would like to once again be looked at as a desired sexy man. As I was from my teens, through my twenties and into my early thirties. There is no more an electric feeling than knowing that if you really wanted that person, then she would be there for the taking. That kind of attraction and charisma is the mark of a great lover.

Over the last 10 years I`ve gained a little weight, began dressing like a middle-aged man, got a middle-aged hair cut, gained a few wrinkles, got a bit gray and basically ceased to make the efforts of old. No wonder my wife started to take me for granted, but then she`s not innocent in that regard either.

So what am I doing about it?

I`ve begun jogging again, 10km a day, as well as swimming twice a week. I`m desperate to lose that extra weight and regain my physical vitality.

 My wardrobe is being given an overhaul. No more boring oversize clothes. I`m back to bright colors, slimming fits and accessories. I`m expressing myself through clothing more than ever.

My hair is growing, and I plan on dying it or getting tips as soon as its a good length.

I`ve also come to the realization that I have a drinking problem that needs addressing. The drinking causes weight gain, loss of energy, poor communication, expense and most critacally self loathing. Not the marks of a great lover.

Its my belief that those with self-respect and who show it are the sexiest of individuals. Vibrancy, confidence, health and attidude are sexy beyond belief.

As for my wife!

Well 3 friday nights running I`ve put our son to bed early and prepared a nice meal, candle-light, soft music, flowers, pored her a bath and scented the house with oils and incense. These nights to date have not been as successful as I would hope, but I will remain persistent.

I make the point of telling my wife everyday just how much I love her, despite whatever aggravations we may have placed upon each other in the course of the day.

It`s little things that I am trying to reincorporate like holding hands, real communication, cuddling, kissing in public, tenderness. It is my opinion that the total package is the making of a great lover. Not merely how long you can thrust, or the variety of your sexual repertoire, although these can most certainly be part of the whole.

My quest to be a great lover is a jorney that starts with me alone.

musicmad musicmad 41-45, M 2 Responses Apr 10, 2009

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Wow! I LOVED this article. It makes me think of how much I was in love with my married friend. He was romantic towards me without failure. I feel so cut off from him ever since I got kicked out of school that I have been trying to show him affection, which has back fired. I don't know how to get in touch with him via e-mail. My heart is breaking! The more I try, the more I get rejected. I want to talk to him and see what has happened between us. I need a real talk with him, but damn school seems to be getting in the way. I think I will drop in either this week or the next week to clarify our future. I say that I am dropping it, but he is important to me. I need him in my life and even if he is brutally honest with me, I need to hear how he feels about us. Once and for all. Tired of the mystery even though he may love it!

Even though this story was written sometime ago, I am just seeing it for the first time. I am curious how things have worked out for you. I admire your goal and hope that it has come to fruition.