Sad And ScaredI've been with my fiance' for over 7 years. I love him endlessly, and we have no problems in our relationship. The only reason we're not married is because if we got married, I'd lose my disability, which means I'd lose my medical coverage and the ability to go to school, and it would break us financially, sadly.
Well, the frustrating thing is, I want a baby, desperately. However, even when I haven't been on contraceptives (we're talking years at a time), we've never been able to conceive, which is, at this point, a "good thing" because, like I said, I'm disabled. I have fibromyalgia and a whole host of other disorders (two of which can cause infertility), and recently they found out I have something else, which at this point they think is Multiple Sclerosis.
He has a pretty good job. One of the best available in our area. Overall, we're doing fairly well financially.
BUT...before we can even consider actively trying for a baby, we have to:
- Figure out how to stabilize my health, which is not as easy as it sounds. We've been at it for 11 years.
- Move houses because ours is not suitable for an adult, let alone a baby.
- Make sure my body can even handle being pregnant/giving birth.
- Pray that I'm not sterile. Which is a serious worry.
A few weeks before Christmas, I had the most amazing dream. I was playing with this beautiful little girl, who looked a lot like I did as a child, except she had my fiance's eyes. And someone kept trying to hurt her, and I was going insane trying to protect her. And I remember looking at my Mom in the dream and saying "Oh my God. I'm a Mom." It was one of the best dreams that I've ever had, and when I woke up I couldn't stop crying.