What I Want Doesn't Matter

E verywhere I look I see a child wrapped around their mothers legs, or a baby being held tightly.  I see my neice everyday and she sees me yells sissy!(she can't say aunt) and runs to me.  That little girl is beautiful.  My sister tells me that I should take her for the weekend all the time and thatI would bring her back befor sunday but I am afriad that if I take home I won't bring her back.  All of my friends have babies. 

My momma and daddy want me to go to college and get a degree.  and I told them when I just engaged that my husband and we would wait five years for a baby butwe have been married for two and a half years and i want to be a momma.  that is all i have ever wanted to do. when I was little i wanted to have ten children.now i just want two. I cry all the time. i want to be my mom and she doesn't undderstand that. my grandmother died on mondayand I meet my newiest little angel that day she is eight weeks old today and I held that baby girl for six hours her mom made a bottle i fed her, I changed her, held her to my chest and let her sleep and did it all again.  I didn't put her down once.  I hated to leave her. she was the one thing that kept me strong. 

I want a baby and I truly believe that is why I am here on this earth. to be a mother.  everyone has these expectations of me that they feel aare better than just being a mom, but to me there is nothing greater.