Infertile Is An Ugly Word...

...when you are 16 years old, alone, in a doctors office.  It's even uglier when you are 22, married, and wanting to start a family.  For 6 years I kept my diagnosis a secret, but when I got married I had to tell my family.  I have POF, and I will never give birth to my own children.  It is a struggle everyday to look in the mirror and see a body that can't perform the task that I feel it was created to do, it feels like I am less of a woman, less worthy of love and happiness because of it. 

When you hear the word infertile, you grieve.  You grieve the loss of all the dreams and plans for the future that you had laid out.  You grieve the experiences you will never have, the things that you will never do.  I will never feel a baby kick in my belly or see my child on an ultrasound.  I will never, ever see two pink lines on a pregnancy test...but I will be a mom. 

I will adopt someday, and I will be a mom.

backwoodsbelle backwoodsbelle
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 3, 2010

Your story is so much similar to mine. I too have tried to conceive but after many years and visiting doctors, I was told that it will never happen. I recently got married 3 years ago and my husband and I both love children so much that we have applied to adopt. I work as a cna at a hospital on the maternity ward. It breaks my heart to see these young girls who could care less about having children and treat their bodies as if it were a receptacle for all things. The one thing they take for granted is the one thing I would love to have of my own. I know God has a plan for you as well as for me. I figure that we may have been meant to take care of the children that are unwanted and need special parents like us to love and nurture them. The child or children we are meant to have may not come from our womb but is out there waiting for us to love and care for them by way of someone who can't or won't take care of them as we could. May God continue to bless and strengthen you.

God created many kinds of women to make up our populous. There are some who can't take care of the children they have, some who don't even ever want to try to have children, those who can never birth their own children, and those who get pregnant every time they think about sex. You are an amazingly strong woman and I commend you for that. It warms my heart to hear your last sentiment, that you WILL be a mom!! Just try to think of it this way, you were meant to be the mom to the child you adopt, who ever he or she may be. THAT child is who you were meant to have.