Will Being More Submissive Make Him Dominant?

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and so far everything about us has been very vanilla. From the wedding to the two dogs and buying a house three years after we were married. Except for the fact that I am totally unhappy with his unwillingness to take control. So i act out. I leave the house a mess he does his own laundry, i throw his clothes into the closet without folding or hanging them. I do NOTHING all day and while this doing nothig is taking effect on my body it is also taking effect on my sex life and my house is a mess! He is in no way dominant though i think he should be. I want him to tell me no, demand i do what he wants. Hopefully by becoming more submissive, tending to him and only him the new found attention will bring him around. What am I to do if he turns out to never want to be in control? Because i dont feel him compelling me to do everyday sort of things the will never get done. Do i just start without him and hope he comes around?

andi1024 andi1024
8 Responses Jun 10, 2009

You may try greeting him at the door naked and in heels warring a dog collar and hand him the leash? Seeing you in the open door exposed to the neighborhood that way may give him the hint you want him to take control. Just a suggestion.

If he doesn’t perhaps one of your neighbors will?

I have to agree with printpants, having given much the same advice. <br />
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There is a saying, "You can always tell a biker, but you can't tell him much." This play on words has some truth in it, as it applies to men, in general. "Telling" him to do or be something, just closes his ears! <br />
Just pretend everything is fine. The messy house is, apparently, hurting you, not him. <br />
If he likes something predictable, like a glass of cold water while reading, provide it before he gets to that point. This pro-active approach will take time to get through. He will be uncomfortable with it, at first, then come to enjoy it, then he will see it as normal. <br />
Occasionally---when it is obviously submission, rather than possible sarcasm or fun---say, "Yes, sir," when he asks for something. This will likely be off-putting, at first, but he should accept this, after a while. <br />
In the bedroom: If he says; "Take off...", or "Put on...", as something you know he likes; then say, "Yes, Sir!", in a peppy and pleased tone. <br />
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The message should be getting through, by six months to a year!<br />
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The idea of showing him www.TakenInHand.com type web sites is excellent, too. Find pages you think will get him to pay attention or, at least, not make him shy away. Discussion is needed, here! <br />
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The OP is a year and one-half old. Let us know what has happened!

Talk to him about how you feel

i want to marry u or one like u<br />

Being a man and formerly a husband, my advice is to simply be there for him. Do what you need to do to keep his house clean and in order, casually find out what he prefers you wear around the house and out and about, do whatever needs to be done to give him a peaceful environment. You don't have to be openly obvious about being on your knees to him. After a while though, once he is used to your serving him, if somehow you fail to please, he will let you know that. You want to be submissive? Just be yourself.

Try reading Laura Doyles book The Surrendered Wife. It has helped me and I believe it can help any women who wishes to be submissive. It was one of my best finds. You have to be submissive by just starting to be submissive without telling him. Submission can not be forced on anyone it is only a gift that can be given from one person to the other. So by telling him to tell you what to do is not submissive at all. It is us still trying to boss him and not be submissive. Read the book, you will love it.

I am in a relationship where I want to be submissive and he wants to be (and is VERY) dominant. Even the most dominant man will have weak spots, off days, and emotional setbacks or issues where he just doesn't have the energy to 'police' you all the time. That kind of unexpected freedom can be frustrating when you want them to always be 'on top'... but that's actually a facade, not true submission/dominance. REAL submission to your husband means that you become like water, filling every crevice, becoming who and what he wants you to be. It is your job to figure out what he enjoys and expects and fulfill those roles. This means that, as a true sub, if it is his desire and his pleasure to be relaxed and NEVER tell you what to do, never act dominant in the ways you expect, you don't 'switch' on him and become the passive-aggressive trainer. You learn to enjoy his relaxed nature, praise him for who he is, and be the wife he wants. If he wants you to dress up as a dom and spank him, it's your job to submit and do it with pleasure!! This is real-life submission. If you are just looking for some kinky playtime then rent some **** or show him some stories or forums online and educate him on a fun, new sexual outlet you'd like him to try. But if you want a lifestyle of submission, it just might look like you learning to love him and serve him just the way he is.

I was married for 15 years to a man who wouldn't take charge of anything. When I did force him to take charge of something, he would intentionally blow it up. I wish you luck. Quite often, most men, will step up. It may take him some time to figure it out, but submit and quietly teach him what you want.