Will Being More Submissive Make Him Dominant?

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and so far everything about us has been very vanilla. From the wedding to the two dogs and buying a house three years after we were married. Except for the fact that I am totally unhappy with his unwillingness to take control. So i act out. I leave the house a mess he does his own laundry, i throw his clothes into the closet without folding or hanging them. I do NOTHING all day and while this doing nothig is taking effect on my body it is also taking effect on my sex life and my house is a mess! He is in no way dominant though i think he should be. I want him to tell me no, demand i do what he wants. Hopefully by becoming more submissive, tending to him and only him the new found attention will bring him around. What am I to do if he turns out to never want to be in control? Because i dont feel him compelling me to do everyday sort of things the will never get done. Do i just start without him and hope he comes around?

andi1024 andi1024 22-25 10 Responses Jun 10, 2009

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You may try greeting him at the door naked and in heels warring a dog collar and hand him the leash? Seeing you in the open door exposed to the neighborhood that way may give him the hint you want him to take control. Just a suggestion.

If he doesn’t perhaps one of your neighbors will?

Oh and I love what usagichan had to say too... She put it very beautifully, " REAL submission to your husband means that you become like water, filling every crevice, becoming who and what he wants you to be. It is your job to figure out what he enjoys and expects and fulfill those roles" That is a wonderful motto to live by. I might hang that on my wall or something...thanks Usagichen!

I recommend trying a completely opposite approach then you are taking. You are trying to force him to dominate/ control you by misbehaving to the point that he will have to step in. I don't think that is going to work. Your husband looks at this behavior as proof that you don't care what he thinks and that you don't respect him. It might make him angry, but most men will not respond by trying to force you to...they will probably become depressed, resentful or hurt that you don't care enough.

Try this instead. Serve your husband without him asking for it. Do everything you can to be the submissive wife. Serve him, please him, cater to him. It will build up his self respect. Do this for a while, he will eventually come to expect this behavior from you. After you have made it clear to him that you are there for his pleasure he will naturally become more dominating. In todays society men are emasculated from childhood, so if we want them to be masculine we have to first repair the damage done by building up their self esteem and showing them we respect them, and really want to serve them. It takes time, but the rewards are endless.

It is very important that you be submissive in the bedroom. When you are having sex ask him to slap your ***, tie your hands or whatever makes you feel submissive. Beg him, plead with him to let you suck his ****, to **** you hard, to...well whatever it is you want. But don't demand. Say "please." Make it clear he is in control. It will make him feel like a man. This will make it obvious to him that he is dominating you and that it pleases you. Its not the complete domination you want but its a great start.

In your daily routine slowly start asking his permission to do things, ask for his opinion and then Take His Advice even if you don't agree. Support his decisions, don't argue with him (especially in front of others!) All of this will show that you respect him as a leader and a husband.

You will be surprised at how fulfilling the role of submissive, obedient wife is even when he doesn't demand such behavior. Think of it as a beautiful, sexy gift you give him daily of your own free will.

NOW you have laid the groundwork for having a dominate husband. Now, when he knows you love him unconditionally, that you desire to do his bidding and that you love it when he dominates you sexually you can take the next steps and tell him about your need to be his submissive in every way...ask, don't demand, suggest. Take small steps. When you think he is ready, ask him to make rules for you and to punish you if you break them. Tell him you crave the structure and need that level of control.

But like i said, don't jump the gun. First, prove that you can be his submissive wife, before asking him to be the dominate husband. If you don't, he will probably just think that this is a passing whim, or some sort of game you wish to play. He will not believe that you would allow the behavior you are asking for, He will probably be afraid you would respond with anger and that he might risk losing you.

Prove you are a submissive wife, then ask for his dominance and it will come naturally to him since you have repaired his self esteem and proved that you do respect and love him!

I have to agree with printpants, having given much the same advice.

There is a saying, "You can always tell a biker, but you can't tell him much." This play on words has some truth in it, as it applies to men, in general. "Telling" him to do or be something, just closes his ears!

Just pretend everything is fine. The messy house is, apparently, hurting you, not him.

If he likes something predictable, like a glass of cold water while reading, provide it before he gets to that point. This pro-active approach will take time to get through. He will be uncomfortable with it, at first, then come to enjoy it, then he will see it as normal.

Occasionally---when it is obviously submission, rather than possible sarcasm or fun---say, "Yes, sir," when he asks for something. This will likely be off-putting, at first, but he should accept this, after a while.

In the bedroom: If he says; "Take off...", or "Put on...", as something you know he likes; then say, "Yes, Sir!", in a peppy and pleased tone.

The message should be getting through, by six months to a year!

The idea of showing him type web sites is excellent, too. Find pages you think will get him to pay attention or, at least, not make him shy away. Discussion is needed, here!

The OP is a year and one-half old. Let us know what has happened!

Talk to him about how you feel

i want to marry u or one like u

Being a man and formerly a husband, my advice is to simply be there for him. Do what you need to do to keep his house clean and in order, casually find out what he prefers you wear around the house and out and about, do whatever needs to be done to give him a peaceful environment. You don't have to be openly obvious about being on your knees to him. After a while though, once he is used to your serving him, if somehow you fail to please, he will let you know that. You want to be submissive? Just be yourself.

Try reading Laura Doyles book The Surrendered Wife. It has helped me and I believe it can help any women who wishes to be submissive. It was one of my best finds. You have to be submissive by just starting to be submissive without telling him. Submission can not be forced on anyone it is only a gift that can be given from one person to the other. So by telling him to tell you what to do is not submissive at all. It is us still trying to boss him and not be submissive. Read the book, you will love it.

I am in a relationship where I want to be submissive and he wants to be (and is VERY) dominant. Even the most dominant man will have weak spots, off days, and emotional setbacks or issues where he just doesn't have the energy to 'police' you all the time. That kind of unexpected freedom can be frustrating when you want them to always be 'on top'... but that's actually a facade, not true submission/dominance. REAL submission to your husband means that you become like water, filling every crevice, becoming who and what he wants you to be. It is your job to figure out what he enjoys and expects and fulfill those roles. This means that, as a true sub, if it is his desire and his pleasure to be relaxed and NEVER tell you what to do, never act dominant in the ways you expect, you don't 'switch' on him and become the passive-aggressive trainer. You learn to enjoy his relaxed nature, praise him for who he is, and be the wife he wants. If he wants you to dress up as a dom and spank him, it's your job to submit and do it with pleasure!! This is real-life submission. If you are just looking for some kinky playtime then rent some **** or show him some stories or forums online and educate him on a fun, new sexual outlet you'd like him to try. But if you want a lifestyle of submission, it just might look like you learning to love him and serve him just the way he is.

I was married for 15 years to a man who wouldn't take charge of anything. When I did force him to take charge of something, he would intentionally blow it up. I wish you luck. Quite often, most men, will step up. It may take him some time to figure it out, but submit and quietly teach him what you want.