Well Hello

My name is Charlotte. I'm 18, just graduated high school. And I had a baby at 14.

Yeah. 14. Before I was even in high school I had a baby girl named Clary. I'm a student, a book store clerk, a girlfriend a swimmer...but my most important role is Mommy. And I was extremely lucky. Lucky that my boyfriend and I have incredible families that have helped us so much financially, with babysitting, with advice, with love and understanding. I'm lucky that my aunt and uncle, who have raised me since my dad's passing when I was 12, are upper middle class and have money to spend on stuff for Clary that I can't afford myself. I'm lucky that I'm still with Ben, my quote "baby daddy" who is my best friend, my soul mate and my fiance along with my partner in raising Clary.

But I don't get much sleep. I don't get any me time. I don't shop for myself and despite being a dedicated athlete it took me 9 months to fit (badly) into the jeans I'd worn before becoming pregnant. My nipples will never be the same and if talking about nipples makes you squeamish just WAIT until you're pregnant and for that matter a mom. Believe me I've seen things that make grown men's stomachs twist. My daughter is a fire ball which sounds super cute until it's 9 pm and you have a calculus test the next day and she can't stop running around pretending to be an airplane. Aww it sounds cute right? Until she runs into your laptop and bam, there goes studying and there goes your English paper. Before you have a kid, I recommend getting a puppy. Take that experience and multiply it times a hundred, gain 40 pounds and add in some postpartum depression and that's what having a baby is like a lot of the time. Oh and don't sleep for about 4 days. Literally, 0 sleep. Like not even five minutes. Oh except for when you fall asleep in class and everyone laughs at you and your teacher tells you to balance home life and school life better. Also, add in being harassed online and in the halls being called a ***** and ****. And a crying baby. All night. Thankfully, and it's sad to say, I'm nearly 100% deaf so it didn't bother me nearly as bed as it bothered Ben, her father.

And you think you're gonna be a single mom? Oh my GOD!! I think single moms deserve an entire week during the year paid for by the tax payers where they get treated like queens because if you think having a baby is easy in ANY WAY whatsoever you are so very wrong and in for a massive shock. Seriously, a lot of girls are like "oh I've gone ok on only a little sleep, no problem" and yeah sure, for a few nights it's bearable. But try going through that nonstop for MONTHS. Every night. And being a mom never stops. You dont get a break. Sure, every once in a while I'd get to go eat pizza for an hour with a girl friend, but I'd be worrying about Clary nonstop the entire time. You NEVER get a break. And guess what? Every move they make you're responsible for until they're 18. When Clary was 2, I took her to the grocery store and she was sitting in the cart and reached for a jar of something or other and ended up knocking a bunch of jars over. Guess who got to pay for all of that? Me. Well actually Ben because I had like $4.00 in my account.

Oh and the "I'll just get a job to pay for my baby" thing. Yeah. Really, you try raising a baby on one income. And if you get thrown out of your house you'll starve or have to take taxpayer money and guess what? People will hate you for it. And rightfully so consdiering you WANT to do that. In the words of my friend Alissa "When there's not enough to feed us, I don't eat". Yeah. You try skimping on meals on no sleep and see how your demeanor is! Plus, if you think you'll save money by breast feeding, that's assuming you'll be able to breast feed and it's exhausting. Also, sometimes babies refuse to do it. It's a struggle. I was lucky, I could breast feed Clary but like I said my nipples are so ****** up you can't even imagine. Oh and diapers. No really. I know you've heard their expensive but just look at a diaper budget for one baby for a month. Just a month. Then pull out your calculators and multiply it by 12 and proceed to watch your heads explode. Also, doctors visits, toys, clothes, blankets, nursery stuff, crib, stroller, wipes, baby hygeine products, food, formula, possible daycare (which is OUTRAGEOUS!! especially for a baby), medicine (gotta be prepared). You can't wait to dress up your baby? Well clothes cost money and guess what? They're a baby so they'll probably get it messed up anyway.

Oh, and you want to move out on your own? With a baby?? Pfft. Not unless mommy and daddy foot the bill and most parents aren't too excited about teen pregnancies so good luck with that. With moving out you get to pay rent, pay for utilities, phone bill, internet bill, electricity, gas (for the car you'll need to get to work and so that if your baby gets sick you can take them to the hospital, so having your license is a must) so add in then money to get your license, car payment, car insurance, furniture, groceries, clothes for yourself (which you'll eventually need), other incidentals (although kiss money for movies etc goodbye!) etc etc etc. Yeah. Welcome to Reality!

I get it. You want to be moms. But become a mom when you can give your child the best life possible. It's not fair to them. Go to school. Get an education. Save up some money. Get your own place. And is it fair to expect your parents to help you???? ESPECIALLY when you do it on purpose????? No. And don't count on them. If my daughter pulled a stunt like that G-d Bless her little heart but I'd make her step into reality and see how effing hard it is. Being a young mom is one thing. But be PREPARED.

You want someone to love? seriously. Get a puppy. Not a human being. They aren't dolls. Being a mommy isn't a game. And I know you say we assume you're immature.

But guess what. We have proof. Anyone who is selfish and naive enough to purposefully have a baby this young is immature.

CharlotteJane94 CharlotteJane94
18-21, F
11 Responses Jul 5, 2012

You're the one who decided to breed young, and I should pay for you to have a mani or whatever stupid crap?

Please. I'm glad you're helping some of these deluded teens see the light, but you need to take responsibility for your own mistakes. You're the one who choose such a "hard" route.

Finally, someone is making sense around here. I'm reading these stories and all I can think is it is the hardest thing for a teenager to handle. And mine is only 2 months. Why the hell do it on purpose

I already realize all the money things but i think having a baby at 14 and having one at 18 is a huge maturity difference. I'm still technically a teenager but I'm also a young adult now. I've thought about it a lot and I'm certain me and my boyfriend could make ends meet if we did have a baby. I used to live with my mom and she was rich but now i live with my boyfriends family and they're low income, and i've never been happier.
As for the no social life thing, that would be fine, i hate most of my high school friends anyways. I would meet other young, but mature, moms and our kids could do play dates. Gone would be the constant **** jokes my friends are constantly cracking.
Lots of the people posting on this topic, like me, have already thought about the above things that you have posted and i think your being ignorant by implying that each of us are being stupid and unprepared.
I don't want a baby for love or to dress him up. I want a baby so i have another human being to take care of and to be responsible for. I want to raise him to be a decent human being. I want to be pregnant, and have the miracle of a baby growing inside of me and changing my body. Plus, having children young mean you'll get to have time on your own at ur old age with ur spouse with whom you'll be closer with after raising kids. It also lowers the chance of common birth defects and generally the pregnancy and labour goes smoother.
So for a lot of people, having kids after high school graduation is a good thing. But i definitely think 14 is too young and can see how that has influenced your story in a negative way. It's a shame you can't focus your life on your kid rather than money and yourself. And that is what is truly selfish in this situation.

damn right

I agree, family is a sacred thing. Having children needs to be at the right time and in the right conditions.

This is so very true. So true you need to write a book an shove it in all the girls faces who thinks iys all fun an games...Im 17 and even tho I want to be a mom I k.ow what its like. Tv makes pregnancy and having a child look fun an exciting... but let me tell ya. ITS NOT. Iv pretty much raised my little sister since there is 5 other children in my family to take care of an my parents both working. So I know what its like to not sleep FOR MONTHS. Its hard, oh so very hard.. and acually being pregnant, its not very fu ln either. I mean ya knowing u have a miracle in you an its amazing, its painful too. Iv been pregnant twice, lost them both b4 3months, and it was not fun. I was ALWAYS sick an was literlly on bed rest my 2nd month. Crazy right. Being hypoglycemic an havin other health reasons sucked while I was pregnant... but was I glad when the pain went away. Hell no, bc I lost MY child(children) even tho I KNOW its hard to have a child/baby I wouldn't exchange the experience for nothing. I'm willing to never sleep, have no time for my self so on and so on to see their smile in the end. Babies are human beings, I know that. And they NEED a lot. And I knoe I can give my child their needs.. I am not immature, I am not selfish, and I am not all self mind set.... my mind set is to give my child what they need an to know that that it my child and I gave them the best life possible... that I am their mother. An I love tyem with all my heart

My name is Emery. I'm 16. I got pregnant on purpose when I was 13 and had my son at 14. It was a real wakeup call to me that it wasn't fun AT ALL! People tried telling me the things you wrote above and I didn't listen, I wish I had! Right after I turned 15, my birth control got canceled out by medication I was on and I found myself pregnant again. My daughter Kylie was stillborn at 29 weeks into my pregnancy on November 10, 2011. Then I did something I'm not proud of on any level, I decided that I'd purposely get pregnant again in desperation for my lost child. It should've been a hint for me that I needed to wait but I didn't care. In January I found myself pregnant again but my body was still in bad shape from my sickness and lost pregnancy and my son Kail was born at 26 and a half weeks. He was in the hospital for a very long time and he has a disease calls Bronchopulmonary displasia which newborns that are born more than 10 weeks early sometimes develop because their lungs aren't fully developed yet. He was born July 25, 2012. I didn't want kids for a very long time after these babies. I was on birth control and using condoms but I guess I'm proof neither is 100%. I'm 11 and a half weeks pregnant with my 4th child. I wanted to thank you for this story and the story about the fakes. Kids need to know how hard it is to raise ONE baby and that it's not fun and games. I've been called a fake before, people don't see how my story is possible. They wonder why I have no pictures and it's because it sickens me that people could steal my kids pictures to use as their own. Your stories are very direct and brutally honest and I like that. Thank you. :)

I had my son at 14 as well...finished four years of highschool as amom and took all advanced and college courses. Started college, worked, and kept it up. It is HARD! So very hard on your own. I am now 19...I am married to great man who is not my baby daddy. He is adopting my son though. I go to college full time. My son is 4 years old in preschool. I am pregnant with number 2. The difference is this time I am in a great relationship, married, financially stable, and in a better place. The reality of being a teen mom is you can do it, but it is hard. People will never understand what you have to give up. I never got child support. My mom did not help me. No one did. I baby sat for money to take care of my son. He went to daycare while I went to school. No one baby sat for me. Try balancing 5 AP (college equivalent courses), a sick baby, and the SAT coming and having to work until midnight after a 8 hour day at schol...This was my reality.

I had my son when I was barely 17. U pointed out all the pros and cons. Good job good writing.

I'mma be totally honest! I think anyone can do it if they have a plan. As soon as they lose their virginity... I'm not saying plan to get pregnant on purpose but all the comments I read are like 'you can't do this! Your not ready!!!' you can be if you plan. I do plan to get pregnant on purpose but no one but my bf and I will know.

Yeah it can be done. But don't you want to give your children the very best?

Wow that was such a truth of reality its hard to believe i accually read that! You go girl! :)

I just think these girls need to get a dose of reality before they do something like this! Thank you :)

Your right they do! To me i find it crazy when teen girls want to get pregnant i just dont understand it your only young once make it count! And your welcome :)

I feel like all of us teen moms need to drill it into their heads that being a teen mom is hard and not a game! I mean they say they don't think it's a game but they act like it is. And they think being pregnant is fun!!! I seriously cracked up when I saw that. Don't get me wrong feeling clary kick was nice and all but being pregnant was not as great as it looks on TV -_-

Haha deffinatly not! I sure enjoyd feeling Kaedyn kick but the nausea and the constipation and the constant annoyance of trying to bend down and realizing you cant do it oh and the feet mine were soo swollen! I could have done with out! And sure schools do that baby doll project but my friends sister had to do it and its nothing like a real baby! Just because they have baby siblyings or have babysat they think they get it but they dont! They need to take Kaedyn for a few days then tell me if they want a kid! I mean i love my son but he can be a handful!

Lmao babysitting Clary swore my friends off having children until they're 30. She doesn't misbehave necessarily, I mean she gets into things but she respects authority. But she's so hyper x_x That girl is gonna give me gray hairs before I'm 20! And yeah constipation, nausea, back pain, breast pain, swollen hands and feet, having people reach out to touch your stomach all the time, all super fun -_- Plus, babysitting or siblings you get to take breaks...motherhood is 24/7, 365 days a year lol!

Haha awe! Out of all my friends only two will accually babysit for me lol and i am dreading those terrible two years haha if only he would stay one! Haha and not just 365 days a year but 6 570 days 18 years lol!

Lmao!! Sooo true!! And eh, the terrible two's weren't so bad. The problem is, they're old enough to be very mobile, but not old enough to reason with!!

Haha i think we have a life time of them not being old enough to reason with haha im 18 and i still dont reason with my mother and my mom an her mom still have there "Nope im not reasoning with that, i may be old and so may you but i am still your mother" moments lol

Sometimes I'd be a mean mom and let Clary get hurt. I got tired of telling her not to touch the stove, so finally once I let her do it and that head ache was gone! I felt bad, but sometimes it's the only way they'll learn unfortunately. Because I didn't want her doing it when someone less vigilant was watching her and actually really hurting herself. Oh!! And running away from me in a parking lot!! That she got a little swat on the bottom for! I had to make sure she realized that was the end of the world, only to protect her but yeah. I had to be tough on her when she was two, which made me feel like a mean mommy but sometimes it was the only method that worked

Awe well i dont think your a mean mommy, i think your great! I tottally would have done the same thing!

And Ben's such a pushover most of the time that I have to be the strict one. But when he does punish her it's a big deal. She still behaves better with me than him hehe ;) So that's gratifying

Awe haha Kaedyn isnt quite at the age that i need to punish him he is usually pretty good but when the time comes i pray he will be easy to disaplin haha

Yeah I'd say Clary was more like two and a half before we really had to discipline her. And now I mean she has good and bad days but she can tell the difference between when I'm saying no because what she's doing is embarrassing or annoying, which she usually listens to, and the no for when I'm trying to protect her, which she always listens to. So that's a plus!!

Best behavior advice I have is talk to them. Don't talk about them or aroun them or above them. The more you engage them the more they listen, at least it worked for me. My soon to be mother in law gave me that advice and I can see a difference between clary and the kids whose parents don't talk to them. It's hard to explain but you'll see it with Kaedyn's friends as he gets older

Well i will deffinatly remember that! Thanks :)

Lmao I try not to give advice unless I got it from someone else hehe. That way in case it doesn't help I don't get blamed. Also, gotta make sure clary turns out good before I declare myself the dalai mama ;)

Awe haha well if advice you give doesnt help just know it can never be your fault! Different stuff works for different people! We are all our own individuals and if one thing works for one person it doesnt always mean it will work on someone else! All advice is is YOUR knowlege or understanding so dont feel bad if advice you give sometimes doesnt work :)

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