My Secret

This has been inside me for so long, I keep it hidden and plod through life but it doesn't get easier and it comes back continually. So many nights longing, dreaming, fantasising.

The same every time, I long to be a woman, in every way.

I don't just want a sex change, it won't be real.

I want to be a proper woman. I want to have grown and developed, the full body change, growing breasts, had the teenage years, worn the first bra, had the first kiss, the first boyfriend and yes the first period. I want to know how it feels to mensturate each month.

I want to go shopping with my girlfriends and shop for clothes, wear thongs and mini skirts and knee high boots. I want to go dancing in a club in heels and tight dress, wear a bikini on the beach, doing everything a young woman can do.

I want to make love, feel the sensation of touch, of a man exploring my body of him wanting me and desiring me and taking me.

I want to wear that wedding dress to walk down the aisle, to feel everything a woman does on that day. And make love to my husband all through that night

And most of all I would want to have a baby, to feel it grow inside, my body changing, the pain and joy of labour when becoming a new mother.

But I can't have what I want and the longing goes on.

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Jan 15, 2013