Knew It Very Early In Life

I can recall sitting on the front porch with my mother tying my shoes for me. I must have been three years old. It was the first time that I truly understood from my mother that I was a boy.

I remember thinking to myself, this isn't fair, I don't want to be a boy I want to be a girl. Also a very strange thought that boys had to be brave. I think I wanted to be pampered and taken care of.

As I started grade school I never really thought of this much. Then one day in spring when I was in the third grade I got soaked in a big puddle of water. For some reason I was hoping that I would get punished for this by be dressed as a girl. It did not happen as a pair of pants was found for me.

Then when I was in the 5th or 6th grade we had a Halloween party. I was not in a costume but I saw another boy dressed as a pirate and he had on red tights. It was then that I became curious as it was "Wow" a boy can wear these things.

About the time I was thirteen and in middle school I starting dressing in my sisters clothes when I was home alone. My sister is three years younger than me but I was small or puny and luck would have it that her dresses and skirts fit me perfect.

With time I took things to greater length. I recall the first time I got fully dressed as I put on panty hose a dress and open toed sandel shoes with a inch heel. It felt great to walk around the house as the dress felt airy and light giving me a feeling of vulnerbility. It was exceralting I continued to do this throughout highschool and never got caught. Although I think my mother may have suspected something was not right.

After I graduated from highschool I moved out and went away to college. I could not afford to live alone so I had to hid my compulsion to dress. My roomate was a musican and he went on the road for months at a time so I started to get more opportunties to dress.

It was diffiuclt to build a wardrobe but I became comfortable walking into a store and purchasing items of clothing, jewlery, makeup, shoes and finnally a real wig. It was a blond Farrah Fawcett wig.

I kept this all to myself for a number of years. Every Halloween I wanted to go out en femm but always chickined out. When I turned thirty I hit the streets in a skirt and heels for one Halloween.

The experience was great in that although I was not practiced at this and had never been out in public before I quickly found out that I could pass as a woman at least until I spoke. First stop was just a local corner bar. I will never forget walking into the bar all dolled up. As I walked into the room all eyes were on the hot blond in the short skirt. I was wearing a denim mini skirt and hose with pumps and three inch heels.

I made it to the bar and when I order a rum and coke the bartender's jaw dropped as this males voice came out of a cute blond. As I sat at the bar more and more people came up to me and told me how convincing I looked and that I could have fooled them. This was a great feeling. I was finally being the girl I always wanted to be.

That was 21 years ago. Since then I have gone on with my life as a male. I have purged my wardrobe and for the most part stopped dressing. As I have gotten older instead of passing I started to look like a man in a dress.

Over the years I have found more information on the web regarding sex changes. I know the process is taken hormones, estrogen, for a year to year and half and then getting the SRS surgery. The problem is that since I am in my early 50's it is to late in life to make these changes. I will look like a man that has had a sexchange instead of a woman.

If I had to do it over and knowing what I know to day, I would have asked my family when I was in my early teens if I could have become a girl. With todays technology I could have made the change in my teens had surgery as soon as I turned 18 and would have been a lovely girl.

Of course I would have still missed out on some of the things a girl goes through growing up. In highschool I played on the football team like any normal male. But I always eyed the cheerleaders not because I liked them but becuase I wanted to become one of them.

Even now thirty five years later, I still remember many of the girls outfits that I went to school with. I wanted so badly to wear a dress or skirt and just plain be a girl. I wanted to get my ears pierced and play with makeup and get my hair styled. I never told anyone this since I acted male in school.

So, I am a transsexual who will not act on my feelings of "Wanting to be a Woman".



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12 Responses Nov 3, 2009

I agree with those who say it's never too late. At 55, I have just come to terms with being a transsexual male who longs to be a woman. I want a smooth hairless body, and breast. I want those things hanging between my legs GONE! I am taking herbs that feminize and seeing a therapist. I am looking to start electrolysis for beard removal and eventually the rest of my body. I dream about living as a woman and having facial surgery to help me look the way I feel. I am starting out and will continue. I haven't worn male underwear in a long time and today I was out as male, but wearing female jeans and shirt, which nobody seemed to notice. I am moving and you can too. GO FOR IT!

aybe you admire the ways women live or what they have that's why you wish to be a woman, just an opinion. I am a woman. I grew up in vietnam where women have very little rights or privilege. So, when growing up I wish for more than anything to be male, being able to say things more freely and go places, date, go school etc... <br />
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I moved to the US when I was 16. Slowly I find that boys treat me really nice because I look above average when I dress up and wear<br />
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I began to take advantage of being female and demand all kinds of things under the sun. needless to say soon I became spoil. <br />
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Then I learn the harsh lesson once I have kids and no longer look the way I used to be. You know what women are precious at young age, then we are like perishible goods that expires with time.<br />
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Also, carrying a baby inside the stomach for 9 months and 10 days is comparable to being handycapped for all those many days. And... I can tell you that going through child labor is almost like having a trip to hell and back! Swear that it's the truth. Been through it three times.<br />
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Men mentally give women value mark down as they age.<br />
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So, if you can choose it, be a man.<br />
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I myself look completely woman so I cannot choose. <br />
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One more thing, no matter how beautifully female you look, if you are sterile and cannot bear children, you won't have long term value around a man.<br />
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One thing I know, we human have both male and female hormones in our body and (all) of us are capable (biologically) to live male or female styles.<br />
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Hope you find my comment useful.<br />
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I relate to much of your experience and the decisions we are faced with everyday. I congratulate you on your successful career. Sadly I cannot relate to that because my journey through life has not only involved all the trials of life of being as I am but also having an incredible knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I should have been asked when I was around 7 years old what I wanted in life. Even then I knew the answer would be "to be a girl". I know everything would have been different and would love to go back in time and prove it. But that's the work for a Sci- fi author (hey - perhaps I should try that!) not a medical opportunity.

F game. I'd do it My bodys awesome and all but Idk if transplants would allow me too breastfeed guys/girls. Plus I like my big ten inch **** too much. But for one day. To be Taylor Swift for a day.... OMG afterwards you can send me to the man upstairs.

I dont think its ever too late to become a woman through surgery. Even if you arent a competitor for Miss America..doesnt mean that you wouldnt find happiness the rest of your life in obtaining your goal, even if it doesnt measure up to your dreams and you find yourself looking like the millons who shop at K Mart. To my disgrace and endless bitterness, I turned down SRS as a Candidate for gender reassignment in 1978 because of a promotion at work. Not a day goes by that I dont regret that decision, but guidelines were different back then. In 2005, I sought out a doctor for Orchidectomy, and even removal of my penis, even though I decided against vaginal surgery. Health problems have caused me to postpone, probably forever with an end stage illness. Its never too late if you are healthy. There are a lot of men who live secret stealth lives with male or even female partners, some having gone through surgery at retirement ages.

I have wanted to be a woman since I was 13. I have a fantastic wife and a loving son so I live my life happy to feel like a woman on the inside but have given up the idea of being a woman on the outside.

This is rly sad. . . this and every other story mad me cry a little inside. . . I think its horrible that ppl rnt born in the way they wanted. . .

Me too, told my mother at about age 5-6. Got to live it growing up, then society 'took over'. But I'm happy. I realize who I am and my internal battles are now over. I express myself as the woman I am. One day, one day the pretty dresses and heels will be my every day way of dressing.

I can totally relate, when I was 13 I told another guy I want to have a sex change. When this got out everyone teased me. So when the School couselor asked me about it I lied and said I had not said it. I wish I had not lied maybe by now I would really be a woman. Oh how I want to be a woman I would do almost anything to be a woman.

I think this so sad, so do you have relationships with other men or do you supress your feelings and have a wife

I was transgendered up until January 2006 when I finally decided to become a woman. My transformation started and I was officially declared "Female" on August 27, 2009. <br />
Don't deny your inner feelings. It is never too late to go for what you really want and need. Strongs!!!

i am a female, was born female, and growing up i always loved dressing up, playing with makeup, styling my hair, etc. it's all in the fun of being a girl. i can only imagine how hard it must have been at times, having those natural urges but keeping them secret because of the body you were born in.<br />
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it sounds like you've found peace with yourself, and have handled things well, despite how difficult it must have been at times. i wish you all the best, and although i can't relate firsthand to your situation, i certainly know and understand your love of pretty, feminine things!