Knew It Very Early In Life
I can recall sitting on the front porch with my mother tying my shoes for me. I must have been three years old. It was the first time that I truly understood from my mother that I was a boy.
I remember thinking to myself, this isn't fair, I don't want to be a boy I want to be a girl. Also a very strange thought that boys had to be brave. I think I wanted to be pampered and taken care of.
As I started grade school I never really thought of this much. Then one day in spring when I was in the third grade I got soaked in a big puddle of water. For some reason I was hoping that I would get punished for this by be dressed as a girl. It did not happen as a pair of pants was found for me.
Then when I was in the 5th or 6th grade we had a Halloween party. I was not in a costume but I saw another boy dressed as a pirate and he had on red tights. It was then that I became curious as it was "Wow" a boy can wear these things.
About the time I was thirteen and in middle school I starting dressing in my sisters clothes when I was home alone. My sister is three years younger than me but I was small or puny and luck would have it that her dresses and skirts fit me perfect.
With time I took things to greater length. I recall the first time I got fully dressed as I put on panty hose a dress and open toed sandel shoes with a inch heel. It felt great to walk around the house as the dress felt airy and light giving me a feeling of vulnerbility. It was exceralting I continued to do this throughout highschool and never got caught. Although I think my mother may have suspected something was not right.
After I graduated from highschool I moved out and went away to college. I could not afford to live alone so I had to hid my compulsion to dress. My roomate was a musican and he went on the road for months at a time so I started to get more opportunties to dress.
It was diffiuclt to build a wardrobe but I became comfortable walking into a store and purchasing items of clothing, jewlery, makeup, shoes and finnally a real wig. It was a blond Farrah Fawcett wig.
I kept this all to myself for a number of years. Every Halloween I wanted to go out en femm but always chickined out. When I turned thirty I hit the streets in a skirt and heels for one Halloween.
The experience was great in that although I was not practiced at this and had never been out in public before I quickly found out that I could pass as a woman at least until I spoke. First stop was just a local corner bar. I will never forget walking into the bar all dolled up. As I walked into the room all eyes were on the hot blond in the short skirt. I was wearing a denim mini skirt and hose with pumps and three inch heels.
I made it to the bar and when I order a rum and coke the bartender's jaw dropped as this males voice came out of a cute blond. As I sat at the bar more and more people came up to me and told me how convincing I looked and that I could have fooled them. This was a great feeling. I was finally being the girl I always wanted to be.
That was 21 years ago. Since then I have gone on with my life as a male. I have purged my wardrobe and for the most part stopped dressing. As I have gotten older instead of passing I started to look like a man in a dress.
Over the years I have found more information on the web regarding sex changes. I know the process is taken hormones, estrogen, for a year to year and half and then getting the SRS surgery. The problem is that since I am in my early 50's it is to late in life to make these changes. I will look like a man that has had a sexchange instead of a woman.
If I had to do it over and knowing what I know to day, I would have asked my family when I was in my early teens if I could have become a girl. With todays technology I could have made the change in my teens had surgery as soon as I turned 18 and would have been a lovely girl.
Of course I would have still missed out on some of the things a girl goes through growing up. In highschool I played on the football team like any normal male. But I always eyed the cheerleaders not because I liked them but becuase I wanted to become one of them.
Even now thirty five years later, I still remember many of the girls outfits that I went to school with. I wanted so badly to wear a dress or skirt and just plain be a girl. I wanted to get my ears pierced and play with makeup and get my hair styled. I never told anyone this since I acted male in school.
So, I am a transsexual who will not act on my feelings of "Wanting to be a Woman".