I've Reached My Limit.

I am 28 years old and my first suicide attempt was 15 years ago. It was a sunday, I was at home and got into an arguement with my dad. I remember saying to him, "everyone would be better off if I wasn't here". His reply, "go ahead...no one will miss you". At that moment my heart was broken, it hurt so bad. I went into the medicine cabinet and took an entire bottle of prescription medication. There were roughly 50 somas' in the bottle and i swallowed all of them. Nothing happened, but why? I didn't understand, I didn't want to be there anymore. A few hours later I was having lunch with my grandmother and I told her what had been done, she insisted on taking me to the ER. Which is where we went and I had my stomach pumped, went back home and well I guess my emotions were just ignored. Life went on, my mom and dad were never any help, they were the ones that were emotionally abusing me. After that first attempt, there were more, but no one knows about them to this day. I have always felt like no one appreciates me. At age 24 I had my stomach pumped again. My cheerleader that time as I swallowed 100 Welbutrin(depression medication) was my husband. He got me drunk and we fought and encouraged me to take my life. That time after I had my stomach pumped I was transferred to the mental health unit for 10 days. began taking cymbalta as prescribed after my release. I went home, I began feeling better but then ended up with no insurance and had no way of getting my medicine so for the last few years I have tried and failed to control it all on my own. Im losing, and I don't know what to do anymore.

deezledee deezledee
26-30, F
Mar 11, 2010