Drunken Antics

I went on a night out tonight, as every Uni student does but I'm a commitment phob, im also 21 years old and a virgin, theres a reason for this, not because I haven't had the opportunity but because men have let me down so much in the past that I have lost all trust in them, maybe this is down to my up bringing or my mums second failed marriage i don't know. I just have need to go out pull people all my friends know exactly what I do but never question it. Im not saying this for sympathy but for a place to express my feelings properly. Like tonight there was no need for me to pull this guy yet I PERSONALLY felt the need to even though to me he could have been any other guy in the club, because he's not the guy I want he's just some guy thats there, and I think that feeling was mutual between us. I spend all this time trying to pull guys when theres just his one guy that I want whose unavailable to me, I love this guy, Is this me just wanting what I cant have? I do wonder sometimes ut right now it feels real xx