Is It Wrong?

My whole adult life I have always swung between socialising and then needing alone time. I have suffered depression on and off for the last say 15 years. The last 12 months have been difficult with the sudden death of my father and within two months of that 3 people - 2 being relatives, took their own lives.

So as to be expected during a difficult time I have been depressed and for the last 2 months have been unemployed by choice. I have an afternoon nap - coz I can! and so padlock the front gate etc and turn my phone to silent. A friend of my partners was working on a new shed we are building and would often rock up unannounced - he is semi retired - and because he never made arrangements about what time - I just would lock the gate and silence the phone as normal during nap-time. Of course he would be trying to ring me from the front gate whenever he felt like popping in and couldn't get through. Mostly though if he did turn up to work - he mainly worked on drinking our beer fridge dry and sit with me while I was trying to do my crafts or whatever and wait for 3 hours till my partner got home from work. Which annoyed the crap out of me!! I like my alone time!! And I only drink socially about once a month so sitting there drinking with him was not my idea of fun.

Anyhoo - this semi-retired friend has been in my partners ear about this - that the gate was always locked and my phone off bla bla. Not normal etc etc. I'm depressed bla bla (well I already knew that!)

I don't think I should be made to feel bad about all this - 'semi-retired' doesn't wake up till 10am most mornings (whereas I am up at 6am or earlier). He could have mentioned what time he was going to come over (he was here almost everyday), he could have come over when my partner finished work at 4pm instead of 1pm or whatever and then sit and wait for him. And the most important point (in my mind) - this is my home, this is my life, this is my depression I am trying to work through and this is my grief of my recent losses - I don't think its wrong that I like to be alone but now am starting to second guess myself. What do you think?
1atlas1 1atlas1
41-45, F
Sep 11, 2012