I'm Doing My Best To Learn How.

I think the human mind can be a bit of a guilt machine sometimes, that's what I find my head running on sometimes, along with anxiety, and the fumes from it are poisonous. The mind can run on any emotion if we let it, making us feel really bad for long periods of time, sapping our energy, and if we try to directly stop that bad emotion head on with another emotion such as defiance, anger, etc it can be a losing battle, because then all we're doing is adding another kind of fuel to the fire and before you know it you're a burned out motor sitting there doing nothing. It's all about stopping that bad flow of feelings before things get out of hand, and we can do that simply by controling our own thoughts. It's not something people get taught conventionally, but I think they should do because I'd say it helps to alleviate a lot of suffering.

 One of the only things that can truly stop bad emotion is reason, and good, logical reason at that. One of my problems that I got help with was perfectionism, and being a bit of a people pleaser sometimes. I was anxious at work, home, and in social situations about not getting things absolutely perfect. At work I was scared that if I screwed up just once then that would be it for that particular job and I would be fired. At home I was extremely anxious that if I didn't get things just right then the result would be bad for my spirit, physical wellbeing, and success in life (fear of intruders played a role in this). In social situations I was afraid of people looking down on me, also I was afraid of offending anyone, because I thought if I did then I would end up a hated loner with no friends and a load of useless guilt.

Recently I was taught that all of my efforts to the contrary were pretty excessive and worthless for eliminating the crushing anxiety I was experiencing. I was forgetting that if I occupied myself too much with worrying that I could give myself another nervous breakdown, which would effectively end my personal relationships for a while because I'd probably be bedridden with stress, I would be too weak to defend my home against intrusion (even if it did happen by some freak chance), and I could forget about work, because the whole world would all become too much for me to bear. Thoughts control emotions, my thoughts needed to be tweaked so that my emotions didn't get the better of me. I had too many self defeating beliefs going on in my head (look that up on google by the way "12 self defeating beliefs"), and I was worried about control where total control was not probable. It's hard to have total control over everything at once, it's a fools game, and I can say from personal experience that it burns you out. I hope in time I can un-learn this extremely bad habit that I taught myself. Nobody is ever completely in control (especially of outside events), nor is anyone completely out of control. I appreciate and thank that somebody taught me this way of thinking instead of my unworkable alternative, and is teaching me many more things.

Explodey Explodey
22-25, M
Mar 14, 2010