Am I The Problem???My mom is ill (very ill). i have come home to be of some help to my folks.My dads hard of hearing.My sis has come down with her (cute lil) daughter (hubby will join her soon).
Well to start off i had left my office, friends, freedom and my girlfriend where i was earlier away from my mom just to be with my family.
i work from home after a lot of request ( i owe it to my managers) to work from home coz of my moms illness.
i am given a place or rather a table on which i have my office (laptop, documents etc.) now this Paraphernalia of mine is generally very hot.I play guitar which i have kept on a stand on the very same table coz my dad would make faces as it would come in his way( he walks like a king should anything come in the way throw it out). At times the bed where i sleep my sis would make her daughter sit and have ice creams which might even spill over to the place where i keep my head.
When someone comes home like a guest or a relative ( she is very loving) My mom would exhaust her self so much that she finds it difficult to talk afterward s. She basically would make food for them serve them again and again despite her illness. This thing just irritates me and at time i have to shout at her to not exhaust herself and take rest---- BOOOOOM.
The whole house is against me now as soon as it happens, my dad asks me to go back and not to raise my tone at home.My sister would tell her daughter not to talk to me and stay away from me (my niece told me this- kids dont lie). my girlfriend would ask me to come back coz i am ruining the whole pourpose with which i went there.My mom asks i have become too sensitive and the outside worl will kick me hard if i do these things.At times money matters are discussed and i am not even told ( me and my niece are the ones who are left out of the talk) but thats only once till now.
My dad would tell me "i can give it to u in written that you will be a failure in life".
Would anyone understand what i go thorough-
1) my moms illness has left me very disturbed, i have become very negative cant sleep at night.
2) if i go back may be i will nevr see my mom again.
3) am away from my girlfriend for 3 months.
4) am willing to give away whatever i am earning to my parents when they ask for.
5) try to help dad with his works but am afraid he will put me down- "you cant do this small thing?? why did u do ur engineering?"
6) i love my niece but cant tolerate her when she hits me (not knowing what hitting means) and no one telling her not to do it.
7) love my sister and want us to be happy but at times she acts very superior and high headed and gets on my nerves.
8) want my dad to act his age relax enjoy and pat me on my back at times and say- son i am proud of you. u have a good job. u have always been a first class with distiction holder, u had been a ramp model and u had been a good son u have come back for us"
9) want my mom not to tire herself so much and tell me the works which i can do for her.
All i want is a little appreciation.I believe all the problems cant be sorted out if you can appreciate a person and show his a lil positivity.
I generally am not getting it and i really wonder am i THE problem??