I Really Want To Be AppreciatedI don't have a job anymore, I'm failing school, and I know I have problems I need to work through, but I've got so much to offer from within, from my soul; that's what I want someone to appreciate. A person isn't defined by the jobs, schools, honors, and successes they can put on their resume, a person is defined by everything they are inside, by their hopes, their fears, their joys, their sorrows, by their thoughts, their feelings, and the love they have to offer. I want my husband to look at me and see that part of me, the human part, my soul, and I want him to appreciate it. It scares me that when he looks at me, he can't see that I have any worth beyond superficial things and social constructions, that I'm not worthless just because I'm not playing the game right now.
I thought he fell in love with who I am, but the way he talks, it seems like he fell in love with what I did, the image I presented, instead. It seems that he loved how hard I worked, how prestigious my positions were, the way I could buy things with my own money and push myself beyond the limits of a mere mortal yet still come home at the end of the day and cook a delicious meal and do the ironing. But it turns out that I'm only a human, that I break under too much weight, that I have depths and flaws... However, I also have strengths and virtues that have nothing to do with being prestigious or working myself to the bone.
I look at myself, and I see me, a person who may not have accomplished much outwardly but who has a well-rounded soul and big heart. What I want more than anything in the world is for someone, especially him, to look at me and see that too, see that I've got a lot of valuable things to offer beyond what I can do with my hands. I'm full up with beautiful things that have nothing to do with outer things like how good my cooking is or how well I mend a shirt or what kind of job I hold. I don't want to have those be the only things anyone sees of me, I want someone to see inside and to appreciate what they see there.