I am smiling,laughing, joking on the surface but inside I am deeply unhappy. I 'see' myself laughing, like I'm watching from the outside - it's not me and it's not real.

When it's quiet and there's no one around the darkness comes out; I am miserable and lonely. I feel ashamed for feeling the way I do when there are so many people with real difficulties in the world.

I want to be able to be myself with people but I also don't want to be shunned. I have so many secrets that No-one really knows me, not even my family. Actually, my family are the least likely to 'know' me.

I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict and I do have people that I can be more authentic with, but not completely. I know how important it is to be honest bug it's just so hard.

This sounds more like it should belong on a support page but I wanted to share my experience so that maybe someone else who feels the same can see that they're not alone.
butterflydanse butterflydanse
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 31, 2014

I know the feeling.. My thoughts eat me alive at night and it just makes me feel like complete ****.