How Can I Be / Feel Beautiful?

          When I am 5' 4" and 235 pounds? it's horrible but i cant seem to find anyone that is attracted to me, and what is worse is that i cant even be attracted to myself. I hate looking in the mirror, and every time I look in a magazine all i can think of is how nice it would be to be skinny. I have tried to lose weight and i just seem to always gain it back. i have considered becoming anorexic or bulimic, but i could never do it. Food is my emotional crutch . I probably sound like every other fat girl wallowing in self pity.....;but if the world wasn't so repulsed by fat, maybe i could feel beautiful. I have heard of remote tribes i places like Africa who actually find obese women attractive, and i think it would be nice to live there. Not only to i want to be beautiful, but i want to feell beautiful and have someone actually call be beautiful =/   

well thats my life in a nutshell,

i am usually a happy-go-lucky person

but  today  i just feel like i am ugly and unwanted

I feel like an ugly duckling, who may never become a beautiful swan.

NeverBeenKissed93 NeverBeenKissed93
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 13, 2010

i understand. people keep teasing me for being fat. my mother even call me a fat-***. <br />
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i understand you, please just keep this negative emotion temporary. sometimes we feel down, but remember there're plenty of good things for us to enjoy in life as well!

Heya i know how you feel :) im 5ft and 119 pounds i also hate my looksand wish i was really skinny, i didnt eat properly for almost a year and non<x>stop lettuce and cellery.. i didnt benefit i ended up in hospital, now ive just put the weight back on from which i had infact, i was 93 pounds before now im much bigger, dont do anything silly just eat healthy bars & do excercise, ive tried it so many times and have given up so many times but the more you try the more weight you will lose, also your pretty howyou natrually are so dont think your not:)