It's Not Easy

Needing to be dominated is something primal in me, and yet, I am not (it turns out, after years of trying) into BDSM. I am not into orders or discipline. I'm just into the dominating sex. And only if he's into it; no pretending to smack me around and "rape" me just vecause he thinks I'm into it. He has to want and need to be the abuser in order to reach the ******* he craves.

Not only is finding that man not as easy as one might think (many lose their nerve), but prying this desire out of him sometimes takes more than just a bit of effort. And though I don't care if he's in another relationship or not, it does matter ... because I don't want love to be a part of the roughness. Like I said, he has to need it for me to get off on it. And when I do, it's like fireworks, complete with the risks!

I am also not submissive to men outside of the bedroom. I'm probably bitchier than I should be.  And I know that I don't use one as compensation for the other.  What can I say, I'm bossy in all arenas of my life, including the need to be pleased by a dom who know what he wants and needs, and who is persistent about getting it.

It's also not easy to find the right level of heat and chill, if you know what I mean. And every man who is a violent sex maniac is not necessarily a good lover. Even defining my ideal lover is not easy for me. I have to admit that I have been surprised -- both pleasantly and unpleasantly -- with different men.

As for women, I can't seem to accept a domme, sexually speaking. With women, it's more of what *I* want. Isn't that just like a man, though?? ;)
auroramaru auroramaru
46-50, F
8 Responses Jul 17, 2010

bjhall, how did you know i love being ****** stupid?

bjhal, you get where my emotional brain lives ... i do need to respect the man for him to dominate me. i have just come back from a weekend of sex and "playing house" with a dom, and it was mindblowing -- as it always is when the domination works on me. i love being ****** so long and so hard that i can't concentrate for the rest of the week. and yeah, i do misbehave; a former master of mind told me that he didn't appreciate what he saw as my deliberate disobedience, because it meant frequent and painful *******. how was that a problem?? ;)

bakkhos, your friend criticized her dom was a bit of a "duh!" moment for me -- don't ALL men like ********? though yes, i agree that being selfish does not a dom make, even though pleasure for the dom is very important. i also think machismo gets in the way of true dom-dom, so to speak, for many men. and as for a sub, being a certain way because you think you should -- that doesn't work either. i'm glad you agree about the bdsm stuff though -- it does get silly, doesn't it?

How interesting to find the flip side to my "I am a Lapsed Dom" experience. I also tried the whole formal BDSM thing for years (check out the gallery in my profile for some pics), and in the end found it to be mostly a lot of work and expense. I like my toys and all, but I suspect PVC and gas masks and whatnot tend to put more of a hurting on the dom's wallet out of proportion to the pleasure received. <br />
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But there's a lazy way to go too far the other way as well - a friend of mine critized her former dom as "only a top because he just likes to get ********." Somewhere in there is the proper balance.

libidoc, thanks for sharing -- your experiences and desires do make my precautions seems almost vanilla! hope you've written up those experiences -- they sound juicy! ;)

Being a sub has inherent dangers, so it's harder than you think. Even if the domme is genuine and honest, what is too far? Libidoc, I know the being careful is counter to many fantasies of submission -- bummer, right??

hadar, i'm glad you understsand and agree. it's still not easy for me to explain, and all i can hope for is that when i meet the man, that he's good at getting what he needs out of me!

Can't agree more, being good dominant requires character, which many people just don't have.<br />
Dominance come from the deep mind. It cannot be pretended.<br />
I like loving dominance, not violent or extreme. But can be humiliating.<br />
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Love Hadar.