My CultureThough I was brought up in a very conservative Christian home I moved away from the sexual mores of my family quite young. From the age of about 16 I started to feel overwhelmed by my own sexual appetite. After I lost my virginity I quickly became very promiscuous. My family who have always been very loving felt very hurt by all of this. Partly they felt I was harming the good name of the family but it also seemed to them that I was in a way of life that would only ever be an emotional dead end for me. I am one of nine siblings and all of us are healthily sexed individuals but I alone was out of control.I have never believed in the rightness of sexual promiscuity but I just could never get myself to control that kind of temptation.
My mother told me again and again that I would not be able bond with a man until I had someone to take me in hand. By saying this she expressed a very widely held African view that a man who does not beat does not love. Growing up she would always tell us that the beltings, whippings and canings she received were for the good of her soul and for the health of the marriage. She would tell me that I was promiscuous because like any passionate woman I was not being subdued by a man. Emotionally I did not entirely reject her kinds of ideas but I could not quite face going through the pains I had seen her go through. In particular I was aware that unlike an American dd situation I would have no say in my own punishment. The law in Nigeria entitles a man to reasonably correct his wife including her face if he sees fit.
When I went to University in London I continued to shag around. At one stage I had 4 men on the go. All the time I knew I could not go on like this forever. I wanted to become pregnant and have a steady family. Having an open marriage with children sounded irresponsible.
The big change came nearly two years ago when I met someone, through friends, who was from my tribe in Nigeria. We got to know each other increasingly well and became best friends. Though we sometimes had sex together our relationship was mainly about friendship. At a certain point he started talking about marriage. On the one hand I did not trust myself to remain faithful on the other I was nervous about obedience as well as about the beatings that he would see as signs of passion and affection. We kept seeing each other and he gave me lots of time to decide. Eventually he told me that in a really, really loving way he wanted to give pain to me and had decided to beat me. I got naked as he told me and he belt whipped me. Emotionally I felt, like a lot of submitted women, that I had experienced something of very great power. Very soon after that we got engaged. My mother's judgment has been shown to be right that I needed to be subdued by a man.
I receive the belt and the whip quite regularly. We are going to marry later this year. I am apprehensive about being with a man who sees himself as having a license to beat me as he sees fit. The alternatives are just hopeless for me and I am crazily in love. I will be branded with my man's initials later this year when we go home.
Please, if you read this, do not try to put me right. I come from a culture in which the punishment of wives is seen in positive terms by men and women alike, including now by me. I will never know if the attitudes I now have come from elemental natural instincts of from my upbringing. I am overjoyed with my choice.