I Need Help

S o this are my problems:

 

My problems are the ones about 'getting along with your parents' even though I'm so young. I don't get along with my parents. I hate them sometimes. My mother works 2 jobs and always says I don't appreciate her. My father is..well I don't consider him my father. He always threats to hit me or my sister if we don't do something. The last time he actually hit me, I told him that..the fact that he is not my father. I hate his stupidity.
On weekends, the only time the family gets togheter, they start acting like a family! It's like they forget the fact that a day ago they started shouting for no good reason. What am I doing wrong? My father used to tell me and my sister, when we were young, that if we **** off our mother he would hit us, and that would be the only reason. My mother had a really ruff childhood, her mother made her work a lot and didn't care about her. But my father's childhood was ok..he just lost his dad when he was 13.
They tell us things like: 'Why don't you want to go out with us? Why don't you tell us what you want to become?' Why would I do that? They don't deserve it.
Meanwhile, me and my sister are so good at what we are doing.
My sister is really smart, she will go on bio-medical. And I'm so good at art and music. Both of us are in english bilingual high schools so there's no question whether we will be studying or not outside of Romania. We know English, Spanish, German, French, Italian, Latin. We're not stupid.
But I do have this other problem. Ever since I started high school I haven't been able to..well, study actually. I can't get my head in books, just in art or my music. I procrastinate a lot and I'm always late for school, every day.
I use to study. It's not like in the United States, we study stuff they teach in universities in other countries.
I'm a mess..I used to go to pubs close to school. But I also did that to 'study' for subjects for my paintings. And I don't even know how could I am. My friends and other people say I'm good in art and music but I want more. I need to be known.
My parents don't know a thing about this, or about my plans related to art, they don't deserve to know even if they want to. Just by mentioning them here so many times, makes me feel disgusted. They are not important to me, but they continue to disrupt me, my healthy state of mind, my karma..they destroy those everytime I come back home after school. But I'm not so healthy...I have had obsessive-compulsive behavior, a bit of schizophrenia, paranoia, suicidal attempts during my childhood. The funny things is that, my parents don't even know it. I'm also introverted and extroverted. It's annoying.
I have never had a boyfriend before, though I'm cute and a lot of people told me that. But not friends. People that I barley know or don't know at all compliment me. When I was young I was so shy and boys used to pick on me a lot. I've only had a very good friend for 8 years. I've only felt in love with a person, in the 8th grade, but he liked my friend and later made fun of me.
In high school everything changed, I slowly became extroverted, and now I know so many people. I started going places, taking guitar lessons, experimenting for my art. But this guy from another class, started talking to me and saying things like: 'Hey, you look just like the religion teacher!' And then He started telling people that; He use to stop people on stairs and point towards me and say those words. The thing is that I did look like that teacher and I use to dress sorta akward. One day he started talking to me, he was really happy. And I told him that if he ever says anything about me looking like the religion teacher, I will never talk to him ever again. He got upset and several times after that, he wanted to reconcile with me. Once because a friend of mine told him I said hello and another time because my friend told him on messenger that she has a mission regarding me. He didn't want to hear that, he said that I should speak to him. But I can't. It's true, I really want to get along with me. I like him a lot. And it's possible that he liked me too and I skrew everything up. But I just can't. He's soooo nice and loving to all people. And I can't face him because I'm afraid he won't like me and I'll fall in love with him. What really annoys me is the way he decided to talk to me, by macking a mockery of what I look like. I know he meant it as a joke but my history is horrible during this kind of situations. He is a great guy but I don't know if he likes me anymore. He wants said to that friend of mine, after he took my jacket to put this cute little rescued dog that I had decided to take home, that he thinks I hate him. And I know my character shows that. I just wish I could stop being afraid of the way he sees me and show him that I like him so much. It may be too late.
So my problems are:
-parents(hate them)
-school(not being able to focus)
-art and music(want more)
-love(have no self-confidence)

If I look back at what I wrote..those things are my life, and well I suck big time. I'm sorry if I wasted your time.

suntpraf10 suntpraf10
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 15, 2009

Your post is at once provacative, lengthy --- yet interesting. In the first instance, your difficulty between you and your parents represents nothing new --- in IMO, it's the gap that exists between teens and their parents. Not unheard of. Rather common. Nothing "new", there. The "generation" gap is difficult to overcome but can be accomplished. It is you, reaching out to your parents --- and their attempt to reach out to you. Parents are generally disinclined to "reach out" to their children because parents often place themselves in a position of authority, as in "we know better --- we know it all". We're adults --- you're a "kid". Not much you can do about that. It would depend upon how responsive your parents are to your overtures to "bridge the gap". Only you know this --- we don't.<br />
Secondly, I'm glad that you're good in art and music. A classical aspiration and I wish you the best of luck. Keep it up --- your interest in art and music will help you get through difficult times.<br />
Thirdly, I'm impressed with your grasp of so many languages. You certainly are not stupid. In fact, I stand envious of your accomplishments.<br />
Fourthly, as far as your "father" being "stupid". I don't know him, so I can't comment, other than to tell you that some people are "smart" in some things --- others are "smart in other things. Ergo, none of us are "stupid". If you're referring to way he treats you? Then, yes, "stupid" may apply.<br />
Fiftyly, as far as your "boy-friend"? His actions will show whether or not he really cares about you or whether or not he is a phony --- and may well be interested in "other things".<br />
Finally, as far as not being able to "apply yourself", regaring your studies ---- this, you have to work on. We've ALL had to face it and do it. You're not alone. You wouldn't want to hear about the horrible trials and troubles that I had in high school.<br />
After all is said and done --- you appear to be a typical teen-ager with teen-age problems. You're at the age where you have to "do what you have to do" --- roll with the punches.<br />
The best anyone can hope for is ---- just be yourself and do the best you can. BE the best you can.<br />
And --- I think you're already doing it.<br />
Best of luck to you --- and regards: Jim -- and all of your friends on this forum.

Hi,<br />
<br />
Enjoyed reading your post. I am older (you'd consider me ancient I suppose) than you and am facinated by your viewpoint of, well everything. There is a lot to comment on, but I'm only going to nit pick a couple. Overall, I enjoyed your story and commend you for writing it. <br />
<br />
I'm curious about your use of the word 'stupid'. You consider your father to be stupid but say you and your sister are not stupid. My guess is there are certainly areas where he has much more knowledge than either you or your sister. Does that make you stupid? Not hardly. Seems your dislike for him is the cause for your comments concerning him. I detest the way he treats you certainly, but calling him stupid is childish. I would imagine reading this, you have a desire to call me stupid... would be a normal reaction. Whether you think so or not, whether you write it or not makes absolutely no difference to me. Intelligent beings - old, young or in between - don't typically carry a stupid meter to measure others by. <br />
<br />
'...he only lost his father' 'only'? Wow. Not too compassionate, eh? I suppose given your relationship with your father, your lack of compassion at the death of this man is understandable. <br />
<br />
My father left us a few years after I was born and isn't it interesting that I had similar feelings toward my dad that you have toward yours... but for entirely different reasons. You likely would prefer yours leave, I would have preferred mine to stay. <br />
<br />
I don't mean to sound harsh... or maybe I do. Nevertheless, I wish you and your sister well.

Hi,<br />
<br />
Enjoyed reading your post. I am older (you'd consider me ancient I suppose) than you and am facinated by your viewpoint of, well everything. There is a lot to comment on, but I'm only going to nit pick a couple. Overall, I enjoyed your story and commend you for writing it. <br />
<br />
I'm curious about your use of the word 'stupid'. You consider your father to be stupid but say you and your sister are not stupid. My guess is there are certainly areas where he has much more knowledge than either you or your sister. Does that make you stupid? Not hardly. Seems your dislike for him is the cause for your comments concerning him. I detest the way he treats you certainly, but calling him stupid is childish. I would imagine reading this, you have a desire to call me stupid... would be a normal reaction. Whether you think so or not, whether you write it or not makes absolutely no difference to me. Intelligent beings - old, young or in between - don't typically carry a stupid meter to measure others by. <br />
<br />
'...he only lost his father' 'only'? Wow. Not too compassionate, eh? I suppose given your relationship with your father, your lack of compassion at the death of this man is understandable. <br />
<br />
My father left us a few years after I was born and isn't it interesting that I had similar feelings toward my dad that you have toward yours... but for entirely different reasons. You likely would prefer yours leave, I would have preferred mine to stay. <br />
<br />
I don't mean to sound harsh... or maybe I do. Nevertheless, I wish you and your sister well.