Failed Marriage, Failed Life
You know how all fairy tales end with a handsome prince, marriage, and "happily ever after?" what a crock of ****! Before I got married, I had so much going for me. I was a college Junior, a military medic, just got home from deployment, and had everything lined up to commission and go to med school free of charge and have an awesome life taking care of comrades and seeing the world. Then my stupid *** decided to take back my ex boyfriend. i had broken up with him for cheating on me, and for treating me like crap because he out-ranked me. he LITERALLY, and pathetically begged me to take him back. he cried and said how much he'd missed me and blah blah blah.
Here's the backstory. He and I met in high school. He was dating this other girl and had been for over a year when he asked me out (i had no idea he was already seeing someone). I was naive and young, and he was charming and cute. we went out several times, I really liked him, and then he just stopped calling. no explanation, nothing. i was heartbroken. he and i also worked together, and i was hoping to see him at work. well i did see him at work, bringing lunch to his real girlfriend while i stood there like an idiot fighting back tears and cursing myself for being so stupid. he didn't even look at me. nothing.
They broke up shortly after that because she was cheating on him too, so haha! Anyway, about a year later he asked me out again and apologized for his behavior before. I gave him another chance, and we ended up in a long and painful relationship. i supported him with letters and care packages through his basic training and flight school, i went out to see him at his graduation. i drove the 12 hours to ft. rucker every other weekend, on crappy minimum wage pay, at the age of 19, across 4 states, to visit him.
then i decided i was going to join the reserves. he didn't like that one bit, but i figured that a long distance relationship wasn't worth giving up a new experience. he went out with his friends while i was in training, never came to see me during my medic course, except once. he came down with a friend, insisting that i find his friend a date. he parents (whom he talks to 4x a day) called while he was down and he lied and said he was out with some girls he had just met. his parents didn't think i was good enough for him. he insulted me constantly, and always made sure to remind me that he was higher ranking.
he left for korea and i left for afghanistan. while in korea, he drank a lot and slept around. i dumped him while deployed and met some new people too. anyway, that gets up to him begging me to take him back. like an idiot, i gave him another chance.
he proposed a month later, apologizing for all the past and promising a fresh start. like a dope, i accepted. in the year and a half engagement that followed, his parents treated me like **** every time i saw them. they told my father i was going to get pregnant and ruin their sons life. they told everyone they met that i had "tricked" him into marrying me.
about 6 weeks before the wedding i found out i was pregnant, which is the only reason i didn't call the whole thing off. i was scared. he was going to iraq a few months after the wedding too, so i would be pregnant and alone.
we married, he left, and there i was preggo, working full time in an ICU and going to school full time. it was rough. he wasn't there for the dr appts, the ultrasounds, the sleepless nights. i mailed him a package every weekend, for which i never got a thank you. he spent hundreds of dollars online, and then accused me of blowing all his money on nonsense. while he was gone, i managed our finances, paid off all our debt, and saved up 20k in savings.
a few weeks before i was due I quit my job because i felt it wasn't a safe place to work while pregnant. he was the one who said i should quit, then when i did he told me i was just waiting for him to leave to sit at home and spend his money.
he came home for my son's birth. he didn't stay with me in the hospital after my c-section, he went home every night at 6 to get some rest. his parents even told me i should make sure he got home early because he needed to sleep. since labor was obviously so hard ON HIM. since getting up every other hour to nurse a baby with a 6 inch incision on your abdomen would be so rough ON HIM. i fell out of the hospital bed trying to use the bathroom in the middle of the night bc no one was there to help, i had to call the nurse to help me put my son in and out of his bassonet after feedings because his father was at home relaxing.
once we got home he didn't even hold the baby. he claimed he needed to relax from the stress of deployment (mind you, i had already been deployed). he never helped me pick the baby up, never helped me change diapers, never helped me keep up with the apartment. i was having to vacuum, do laundry, and carry my 9.5 lb baby all day with the c-section incision still causing me searing pain. i didn't even take the pain medication because i was afraid that i would sleep through the baby's crying and knew he wouldn't get up to get him.
8 days after the baby came he left to go back to iraq. and then the real drama began. his parents are f****** crazy. they came over constantly, uninvited. they would drive by my apartment to see if i was there when i said i was. they babysat twice a week for three hours while i was in class, and acted like they practically raised my son. they even made a baby book about his first year of life, and i'm not in it. they talk about how they took him to various places and i was in school. i'm going to burn it when i'm done writing this.
i raised my infant alone. i had to learn the hard way, and between his parents' constant crap and the stress he put me under, the joy got sucked out of that year. i dont want to have more kids because of that first year. i was incredibly depressed, my chance for med school was gone since i was no longer eligible (i had no one else to care for my son), i lived in stretch pants and old tee shirts because he scrutinized every dollar i spent.
his parents kept dibs on me for him. making sure he knew about everything i did. i was activated for hurricane duty for 5 weeks, during which his parents took care of the baby, i had no choice in the matter, i was ordered to go. my son is almost 2 now and his father still reminds me of how i just "dumped the baby off and took off". his parents called me every day to tell me how awful it was that i was gone and how much it was damaging my son. did they say anything to my husband like that during the 15 months he was gone?? of course not, he was a friggin hero.
he comes home from iraq, to the house i found and bought while he was gone. i did all the research, the paperwork, the mortgage, and got our VA benefits for it. he had to do NOTHING. i closed the lease on our houston apartment, packed and moved everything 4 hours to where he was stationed. i unpacked everything while caring for my then 11 mo old son, and still handled all the finer points of moving, like address changes and utilities.
he comes home to a new house, a happy healthy baby, 20k in the bank, and everyone making life all about him. meanwhile, i had to quit school because we were moving, quit my job, give up my commission, bust my *** to lose the baby weight alone, and learn how to be a single parent.
he came home 9 months ago. we are now 12k in debt, he does NOTHING around the house. i mean nothing. i mow the yard, change the oil on our cars (he doesn't know how), pay the bills, care for my son, laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands, etc etc. we got a dog bc he wanted one, and now he wants me to take it to the pound bc he doesn't want it anymore. he put in this huge expensive aquarium in my entryway, and it tripled our electric bill, then he complains that i spend too much money on gas and that's where the money is going.
i'm back in school, about to graduate, and the baby goes to a playdate while i'm in class. he says that i'm a crappy mom bc i "dump" my son off at "some stranger's house" to "run off to class." mind you, he refuses to go with me to see the home for himself, will not ever pick the baby up from daycare, and even on his days off wont watch him for me so he doesn't have to go to day care.
his idea of playing with his son is putting on a dvd and going back to whatever he was doing before. he treats me like a maid. he tells me i dont do anything all day and that he should just get rid of me and get all his money back. i have to go back to work now to help pay off the debt he's accrued, and he says that i'm a bad mom for going back to work. I HAVE TO WORK A$$HOLE! i would love to stay home with my munchkin until he went to school, and just focus on my education, but we can't do that because you spend more than you make!!! he holds me back, i hate him so much, he's a ****** husband and a horrible father. he tells me that if i left him he would get custody of our son because i don't make enough money to support him. he said his parents would use their inheritance on lawyers to make sure i never got my son. he tells me i'm crazy. when we go to the marriage counselor, he sits there like a smug bastard and just lists off all the things i do wrong and why i'm the problem in our marriage. he refuses to take any responsibility for anything. he makes me so miserable, he makes me depressed and angry and bitter. i've never been this broken, this defeated.
the only reason i'm still with him is because he's right. i can't provide the nice things he can for our son. not yet anyway. but i am going to go back to work, and i am going to save my money, and i will leave him as soon as i can provide for m y child. boys learn how to treat women by watching their fathers, and this is not how i want my son to treat his wife. this isn't how i want my son to treat anyone. i hate that man. i hate him for what he's done to me, i hate him for sucking the joy out of my life, i hate him for making me so depressed that i'm actually truly disappointed when i wake up in the morning. why did i ever marry him? i should have had the strength then to jump ship. my only hope now is that he will deploy again, and i can have my life back. when he's not around, i'm happy, i'm allowed to be me. he holds me back. i know i can't get my old life back, but i want to be able to be excited about the new one. and every time i get my hopes up about something he smashes it in about 12.2 seconds flat.