Lost And Ashamed

that was not your fault if he raped you.god loves you because you are still his child.he loves you through all these hard things. it says in the bible that he will never leave us or forsake us. god has been with you the whole time and he doesnt want you to feel ahamed of something that is not your fault.god wants you to cast all your care on him because he cares for you very much. jesus wants you to invite him in and cry on his shoulders.he doesnt want you to have all this pain and suffering. he wants you to give him all your burdens and cares so that he can help you through this but you've got to open up to him and let him help you.i am prayin for you my friend and if you need someone to talk to please email me back.jesus loves you very much you are a very precious child of god. dont let anybody tell you different. god is calling your name and calling you back home to him

Without platitudes about God or forgiveness, there is one thing you can do that is virtually guaranteed to help you work through this... and that's going to a support group for women who have been raped. You are struggling with deep shame and isolation now. Going to the group would help you process all that, and by reconnecting with others who have undergone the same thing, you will experience healing.

Flower for you. :)

Hello darling,



Let me just say, I have been through a similar experience that resulted in worsening my anxiety and leading me into being anorexic. Somedays I see myself and wish myself away. Sometimes you think, maybe if you starve long enough you will be so thin that you can dissapear. I felt so useless. I didn't feel relevant to life.



That kind of thinking landed me in several hospital beds. I felt like my body was invaded all over again. The strap of blood pressure monitors on my arm. The I.V. drip needed to rehydrate my body after a failed suicide attempt.

I look at myself, and some days I see beauty. I too, look at my little sister and see innocence. I wish I had a smile like hers sometimes... so care free and full of joy, like it knows no sorrows.



Some nights I run a hand over my body, being thankful that it survived all this abuse I have done to it. Some nights I thank the sky full of stars that I don't feel the need to be empty.



You are beautiful and innocent. A towering rose bush doesn't lose it's beauty because someone came along with a pair of scissors and cut all the petals off. The petals will come back one day, and the thorns will grow greater, feeling the heightened need to protect itself.



You are beautiful and always have been. You are NOT only your body. You are your soul, your mind. God is a wonderful thing/person/whatever, but you must realize that you have so much of YOU left that you have not given yourself. You have so much intelligence, kindness, strength and warmth in you that cannot be purged away or even found in a bible. It's in you, and no one can take it.



Always remember, your purity and innocence is in your heart, not anywhere else on your body.

I can relate to a lot of what you are experiencing, the need to feel numb, empty etc, the feelings of shame and disgust, and issues with food. It isn't by any stretch of the imagination going to be easy, but there is help out there.



I will never forget the day when I HAD to accept and acknowledge that I needed help from a professional, don't get me wrong, the few friends that did know, were great, very patient, but I hated the feeling that I was burdening them all the time.



The therapists and psychiatrists that I saw, were incredibly understanding, they are not there to judge you, nor is it going to be a short term miracle cure...it will take a lot of strength and lots of courage and patience on your behalf, for them to be able to work with you and help you through this.



From what i've read, you have the strength and courage to seek help, and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, or feel disgusted about.



I really hope this helps, and that you will start to take small steps towards a better brighter future.



All the best...Fruitless.....

You are strong, beautiful and a big sister!

When you start talking about it u will find out that It is amazing how many other women have been trough the same: college professor, advisers, ,,, friends.

So sad to find out that it happens so often.



Don't blame yourself

-- this feeling shall pass.

Every day these thoughts will fade more.

You already are stronger.



I hope u make this bulimia just a stage... go and talk with someone who can understand and help.

Focus on studying, and getting ridiculously good grades.

It works to help get control back over your life.

Many a strong survivors out there.

Make me proud!

The only time you are beyond God's forgiveness is when you stop believing that he can forgive you.



As long as you remember he loves you unconditionally, he will accept you. You should really seek a therapist, not because you are crazy because you are not... but because having a neutral party to talk to helps, someone who can really see the situation for what it is and help you.

im really sorry for what has happened to you, but you have to be strong. Your eating disorder you say you have control over and thats why you do it, but it is just another thing bring you down and controlling you. Make small steps to improve you life like do not force yourself to eat or to have that drink of alcohol. Than once you have accomplished those move on to bigger things like talking to someone about the rape. Do not worry about people thinking your crazy because if they truly love you they will listen and try and help you get threw this and move on with the happy life you so badly want.