I Want To Be Happy

I was born 28 years ago, a very serious baby. I was never very happy growing up, I battled anxiety and hypocondria. My parents werent very happy either, in fact my entire family were never very happy. I love to laugh, but rarely do. I wish I could be happier, I want to be happy! I have plenty to be happy about, three beautiful and smart children. I have a very funny husband, who really does not make me happy. I dont know where I went wrong, maybe I didnt. In fact maybe there is something fundamentally wrong inside me that causes me to be UNhappy. Maybe I will never be happy, I am a people pleaser everyone around is very happy. I make then happy even if in process I am completely miserable. I have often thought that the key to my happiness could be to become completely selfish, but the thought of it is unbearable to me. I want to be happy, I have tried to be happy. I got a puppy, he males me happy. I dont why this little smelly, funny animal makes me so happy. But I dont give it much thought, and I continue to wish to want and to ache for happiness. What is it, where does it come from? Why is it like a rainbow, it disappears as quickly as it arrived? Its elusive to me, maybe it takes hard work to capture it and keep it in my life. Which is something I have never been very motivated to do. Maybe this year will be the year I finally find it, I hope so. I want to be happy!!